Transplant this love
by LavenderIceCream
Summary: Hospital AU: Midoriya Izuku has a severe autoimmune disease that causes immense damage in his entire body. Luckily, biomedical technology has proceeded far enough to create safe transplants for all organs, and he is somehow still alive. But despite medical advances, there's just one problem with brain transplants: memories. TodoDeku endgame, maybe ooc. Rated for language
1. Chapter 1

A/N: A/N: Hello! Just as a warning, the characters might not be entirely in-character? Also I slapped together some biology and hospital lingo so there's a chance (a high one) that there're things that are very incorrect. If there's something grossly wrong, please tell me and I'll try to fix it as best as I can!

Thank you so much for reading this fic, and I hope you enjoy! See you next chapter~

* * *

"Good morning, Todoroki-san..." Todoroki watched as the sleeping patient was led away into the operating room until the doors finally closed behind the tufts of green hair.

As he walked through the hospital hallway, already mentally going through his scrub list for the day, a hand lightly patted his shoulder.

"Todoroki-san."

He turned around, blinking almost owlishly. "Oh, Head Nurse." He inclined his head.

"Ah no please, I keep telling you, Yaoyorozu is fine." The tall woman waved away the formality before peering at Todoroki. Concern shimmered in her eyes. "Rather, are you… uhm… It's… That surgery, it's what, the third, fourth, time, wasn't it… ?" She uncomfortably shifted in place, chewing her lips.

Oh. Todoroki nodded and turned around. "Don't worry about me, I'm just tired; night shift yesterday after all." Yaoyorozu opened her mouth but the nurse was already striding away.

"Wai-! Todoroki-san, the surgery, it was a success!" she yelled with a cupped hand.

Yaoyorozu thought he might have paused, if only for the briefest moment, before melting once more as another teal uniform.

Todoroki briskly weaved through the frantic whirl of patients, nurses, doctors, researchers, interns, lawyers, and anyone in between. After working nearly two and a half years at Yuuei Hospital, he could pinpoint with laser accuracy the ebb and flow of all the people, both confused and purposeful. He slipped past a rushing hospital bed and swerved around a family of three to grab an IV, prepare the blood pressure meter for an incoming patient, and check in on another patient (had mild back discomfort but it was all fixed with extra padding). He just had time to wipe the sweat beginning to form on his brow before his beeper buzzed again and he was striding to another incoming patient for more vitals, another blood sample test, another meal to be carried over…

By the time Todoroki could snatch a glance at his watch, the hands had already spun around thrice. Todoroki felt his heart beat unsteadily even as he calmly uttered to the patient before him the same old "Don't worry, it'll just be a pinch-" and smoothly injected the syringe. Three hours, it's been three hours. Usually it takes maybe four hours for them to move patients back to their rooms right? So of course, the room will be empty. Yeah. For sure.

"Thank you very much… " Todoroki quickly removed the needle and swabbed the small drop of blood forming. He securely fixed the bandaid before gently patting the thin arm. "You did very well," he added as the little girl looked up, her eyes wide. She gave a shy smile and waved as he ducked back out.

"Alright now I can send this blood sample to the laboratory and then I can change the sheets for room 4102 and then launder the towels and check in on Torino-san who just came in with aching bones again, uh, and… " Todoroki continued musing aloud even as his heart dropped lower and lower, steeping in guilt like a tea bag left in already lukewarm water. No, I have a lot to do today, there's always something I can do, I'm not avoiding- I'm just doing my job, my duty as a nurse, he reprimanded himself, shaking his head violently. Anyway, first the blood test-

Todoroki mindlessly stepped into an elevator, pressed a floor, and then walked off. He rounded the corner before it hit him like a truck just which ward his feet were taking him. Shit- His feet rooted to the floor but it was too late.

Fifth floor East. The newest wing, Transplant Recovery Unit. In over the past ten years, medical technology had so advanced as to practically render drugs useless, and to instead replace whole organs with cells from the patients. A biomedical marvel that arrived at an astonishing speed, so much so that hospitals everywhere were rushing to set up a new ward specially for it. Todoroki would know, as a specialist in the field during his time in school.

It was a quiet hall, at least in terms of human voices. But endless waves of slightly off-tone beeps, glitch sounds, shuffling, creaking, and squeaking inundated the air. The clean and brightly lit blue-white hallway had only a single elderly man gripping his IV as he carefully placed one foot forward at a time. Todoroki's eyes swept past him to the third door on the left. His heart froze before it began to pound painfully against his chest, ribcage, and throat. He barely noted the empty hospital bed beside the door as his feet already gravitated towards it.

No, this is a bad idea, this is bad… His chest felt tiny and pinched, and Todoroki didn't need the stethoscope around his neck to know how shallow his breaths had become. Todoroki almost felt faint by the time his hand touched the door knob. God, can I do this, can I do this again-. His fist managed to rap sharply against the door. "On-call nurse," he called out loudly.

A creak. Todoroki jumped as the knob turned and the door opened. He snatched his hand back as though it was burned.

"Oh… h-hi there."

Todoroki swallowed.

Shaggy, a maelstrom of forest green curls. Sprinkles of freckles across the nose and cheeks. But what never failed to take Todoroki's breath away-

"Um, uh, come in?" He stared at Todoroki hesitantly, his brilliant lush-green eyes blinking slowly at him, before hastily stepping aside. Todoroki started before numbly entering. The patient moved to close the door.

"Here, you just finished surgery didn't you? I'll close the door-" Todoroki reached over to the knob quickly, his hand brushing the other's. They both stiffened before the patient grabbed his hand back. "O-oh wow, uh, thanks, uh, the door that was re-really nice," the patient stammered incoherently, his cheeks growing rosy as he began to rub his hand. Todoroki felt the ache in his heart burn painfully like a rash of grassburn.

"Also, I forgot to introduce myself: I'm Midoriya Izuku," the patient supplied. He scratched the back of his head and gave a sheepish grin. Todoroki hid a sharp breath with a polite cough. "I mean, I guess you would already, probably know-" Midoriya's words snapped off as his knees suddenly buckled. Todoroki leaped forward as the green-haired patient crumpled in his arms.

"S… sorry… sudden… so… tired… " Midoriya blinked with heavy-lidded eyes, as though struggling to keep them open. His words grew more slurred. "Don… t… tirerrr… " His eyes finally fluttered shut. Todoroki gripped his shoulders and with a grunt, staggered to his feet. He carefully laid Midoriya down on the snow-white hospital bed, still clean and uncreased. After deftly measuring blood pressure and carefully sliding in the IV tubing, Todoroki let out a breath. He crossed his arms.

"The surgeon only let you out a couple hours ago." Todoroki paused, rocking on his heels before gingerly sitting on the very edge of the bed. He watched Midoriya's chest steadily rise and fall. The windows, whose curtains were wide open, let in a shroud of cool afternoon light that washed his face. Todoroki shot a glance at the door before slowly reaching over. I mean, it's fine, this is platonic; I'm his nurse. I'm just going to brush the curl across his face. It probably bothers him. He ignored the tiny voice that said, It bothers you more. His hand unfurled from its clenched fist when the door swung open.

Todoroki yanked his hand back, heart racing wildly. He stood to his feet as the doctor stepped in. "Dr. Uraraka," he nodded.

"Oh Todoroki-san, you know there's no need to be so formal! We've known each other since medical school." She laughed, crossing her arms over her sweeping white coat. She walked forward with her usual beaming smile. "I still think it was a waste to not have continued through though; you were one of the best students! Although there's nothing wrong with being a nurse of course," she added hastily, her face becoming slightly pink.

"It's alright. Being a nurse is better for me." Todoroki stepped aside as Uraraka walked to the bed, her simple black flats clicking on the floor. "Although my father wasn't happy…" Todoroki's words trailed off as Uraraka leaned down and gently kissed Midoriya's cheek. She straightened before giving an awkward laugh.

"Oh, sorry I just… Whenever I stop by, I can't help kissing his cheek. That's what we did whenever we'd see each other in school, you know? We were pretty serious since med school after all… Well, before all this had to happen." Uraraka sat down on the bed, where Todoroki had just been sitting a moment ago. She gently brushed away the unruly curls on Midoriya's sleeping face and Todoroki couldn't help feeling a flush of envy at how easily, how naturally, she did. Stop it, what are you, ten? he scolded himself internally. Uraraka continued, undeterred. "When I heard about his… condition, I just had to help. This person, who's so important to me- I couldn't just let it go. I'm a doctor, what's the point in having the power to save someone if you can't save the person you love?"

"You understand right?" Uraraka turned to face Todoroki, and he blinked at how desperately bright her eyes were, so different from the calm only a moment before. "You do, you have to! You were such close friends with Deku as first years before you left, surely-" But she caught herself, and clamped her mouth shut. She turned away to stroke Midoriya's cheek again, her expression hidden in a curtain of mousy brown hair.

Todoroki resisted the urge to walk out. 'Compassion, that's the first rule in medicine.' He stilled his twitching hands. "It's not… that… I don't. But there are many capable doctors here," he began slowly. "This is one of the best hospitals in the country-"

But Uraraka shook her head. "But no one's ever seen anything like what Deku has," she said softly. Her voice trembled. "An autoimmune disorder that incapitates all the organs? What is that. That's almost impossible! I still can't wrap my head around how all those reactive oxygen species, cytokines and everything, they just… " She gripped a clawful of sheets before slowly relaxing.

"Anyway," she said in a controlled voice. "I'm grateful technology has proceeded enough to quickly create transplants. I really am. Without them, Deku would be dead right now. But at the same time… It's not fair. To Deku. To me. To Deku's mother, to everyone. Even Bakugou's feeling uneasy, although he just takes it out on the poor interns." Uraraka gave a tired laugh and Todoroki rolled his eyes. "Regardless… we're gonna save him. We're going to keep him alive." She stood onto her feet once again and Todoroki watched as she stepped towards the door, her feet slow as though they were weighed with bricks.

"So… I'm counting on you, Todoroki-kun. Even though it must be hardest for you, we gotta do what we gotta do, you know? Even if this secret hurts, we have to do it for Deku." The doctor didn't turn around as she stepped out of the room, moving just a bit faster and jerkier than before. Listening to her footsteps grow farther with each step, Todoroki let out a long sigh and then turned back to the patient. He silently reached over and pulled the blanket up to Midoriya's chin before stepping back.

"I can't… be like Uraraka, but at least I can do small things," he whispered. He stared at the curly hair, falling back again across Midoriya's closed eyes, but Todoroki took three more steps back. He closed the door firmly behind him.

"'It must be hardest for you', what do you know," Todoroki muttered as he quickly walked through the hallway, fixing a couple IVs before racing down the stairs to the second floor. He swiftly leaped into the mayhem, handing over the blood sample to the laboratory and then another beep on his beeper indicated that Koshihiro-san needed fresh bandaids, Kureno-san needed her every three hour insulin drip, the freshest antibiotics had just arrived and needed to be sent to the pharmacy… Todoroki lightly pressed a hand to his temple, a throbbing headache starting as his scrub list expanded exponentially. He pushed down the twinge of relief as the rest of his mind turned to autopilot, kicking the emotions back in the dust.

Three o'clock, four o'clock, five o'clock… By the time the last few stragglers from the daytime rush had been assigned their hospital beds, Todoroki felt his limbs aching into the familiar burn of fatigue. Oh, it must be showing on my face, the nurse noted as a couple interns almost reached out to him, mistaking him for a patient before seeing the stethoscope.

He flinched as another beep sounded on his body. Who is it now- Todoroki stopped as he pulled out his silent beeper. But the high pitched beeping continued, and it took another moment before Todoroki realized that it was his phone. He yanked it out from his back pocket.

"7PM: Don't forget to eat dinner by 7! :D" Todoroki stared at the alarm on his phone, his eyes glued to the note directly beneath the time. His body didn't feel like his own as the red-white haired nurse raised a finger to touch the words when the phone faded back to black. Todoroki held the phone, his mind a blissful blank before memories began to crash down.

"Todoroki-kun, did you even eat today?"

Todoroki sat at the foot of the bed, watching Midoriya dive into the hamburger steak. He couldn't help a shadow of a smile at the puffed up cheeks. "You look like a chipmunk. I'm surprised you like hospital food this much."

Midoriya gulped down the meat, shaking his fork. "Hey, don't avoid my question!" he managed to complain as he tore into the breadroll next. "Also I'm starving!"

"'Starving'...? You could've called any nurse and they would've brought food-" Todoroki felt his words dissipate as he stared at Midoriya. Midoriya broke into a familiar sheepish grin.

"I, um, kinda wanted to eat dinner, with you? I-I sorta… get… lonely… " He ducked his head down, chewing abnormally fast.

"Wait what?! No, don't do that!" Midoriya jumped in alarm as Todoroki raised his voice, and Todoroki immediately regretted it. He lowered his voice back again, hunching his shoulders a bit. "I'm sorry. It's just… You're a patient, after all. You need the energy, and you have to take care of yourself and your health."

"You do too," Midoriya said stubbornly. Their eyes met, and Midoriya jutted his chin defiantly, his eyes flashing. Todoroki held the look, glaring back furiously letting out a winding sigh. He turnedaway to smooth out the creases on the sheets. Midoriya broke into a triumphant grin from his periphery. "I really can't win against you, can I?" Todoroki side-eyed the green-haired patient with an arched eyebrow.

"Nope," he replied cheerfully, digging further into the hamburger steak. "So, from now on, dinner? Seven? Room… uh… four…"

"Five zero six two," Todoroki corrected, and Midoriya laughed, bashfully scratching the back of his head. Todoroki tilted his head, a helpless smile pulling at his cheeks.

"Oh! And make sure to put the reminder in your phone!"

"Isn't that a bit excessive?" Todoroki asked as he unlocked and handed over his phone. "I could just use the beeper-"

"This isn't work, you always get pale when that thing rings!" Todoroki blinked as Midoriya tapped away at the phone. He continued without looking up. "I know you're not as… openly emotional as me, maybe, but it's pretty obvious you get stressed when it buzzes."

"... No one's… ever… is it really that obvious? I didn't even know I did that."

"Well then." Midoriya finished typing and handed over the phone with a flourish. Todoroki felt his pulse skip as their fingers brushed, and Midoriya's touch lingered for a moment longer than necessary before darting back. "I guess I know Todoroki-kun better than a lot of people," he said softly, looking down at his hand. Todoroki swallowed.

"Isn't it weird, even though we've only known each other for three days?"

Beep, beep.

Todoroki gave a sharp gasp as a different beep hit him. He pulled out the buzzer and sure enough, it was Hasegawa-san who needed his daily medication, along with three other to-dos flickering on the device. But before Todoroki could process his actions, he was calling Yaoyorozu.

"Hello? Todoroki-san? What's going on?" The faraway voice sounded pinched.

"Hello Yaoyorozu-san, I was wondering if someone could take over my duties for the next hour? Something came up." Todoroki gripped his cellphone so tight the corners dug into his palm.

"Oh! Of course, of course; I thought this was an emergency. I'm sure you haven't even eaten and you've done so much today, yes, of course we can manage for an hour," she said warmly. Todoroki let out a breath of relief. He paused, controlling a gallon of emotions before he replied huskily, "Thank you, I appreciate it."

"Good luck, Todoroki-san."

Todoroki nearly dropped the phone before the call ended. Damn am I really that obvious? The nurse quickly veered back towards the stairs, going up two steps at a time before reaching the fifth floor.

'I-I… sorta… get lonely… '

"God, I'm so stupid," he growled to himself as he broke into a run in the empty hallway. "Even though he's always looking out for me, I'm the one who forgets… "

Without knocking, Todoroki slammed open the door to room 5062.

Midoriya jumped, nearly tripping on his tangle of IVs as he spun around by the window, his eyes wide.

"What's going on?!"

Todoroki froze, sweat trickling down his face. "U-uhm, your, uh, at seven o'clock, um, that's, uh, dinner," he stammered, his face growing hotter and hotter under Midoriya's disbelieving stare.

"S… sorry? Who are you again? Are you... Oh. Were you that nurse assigned to me?"

Todoroki swallowed, realizing his mistake too late. Can't back out now. "... Yes. I'm Todoroki Shouto, the nurse assigned… to you," he replied woodenly.

"Um, okay." Midoriya shot an uneasy glance at him, an obvious sign that he should go. The nurse felt every fiber of his being wilt in embarrassment. Todoroki slowly stepped back under the patient's wary eyes. At the door, he managed to turn around and ask weakly, "Are- do, did you already have dinner-"

"I'm fine, thank you," Midoriya said firmly. He gave a curt nod before fully turning his back to him. A fresh stab of pain dragged through Todoroki's chest as he nodded feebly and closed the door. He closed his eyes, a wave of self-disgust, despair, and humiliation rolling over him nauseatingly.

Way to go, it's never this bad on the first day but you really did it this time.

He slumped against the wall. "And now he thinks you're an irresponsible nurse who might get him hurt. Great, great, you're doing great. What am I doing… "

"Todoroki-san?"

Todoroki wearily opened his eyes to see Ochako standing in front of him, her eyes round with concern. "Are you feeling unwell?"

Todoroki didn't answer, only glancing briefly at room 5102 before staring down again. Ochako's face fell. "Oh… today's the first day since the surgery so… "

"He doesn't remember me," Todoroki whispered. He held a hand up against his face. "He really doesn't know who I am. I still can't believe it, even though this is the fourth time. Ochako, I saw him this morning. Just this morning I, to him-" Todoroki choked on his words, his throat raw like a streak of sandpaper.

"Oh Todoroki-san." Ochako gave him a sad look. She folded her arms, letting out a small sigh as she stared down the hallway. "It can't be helped, the ROS causes excitotoxicity in the brain, and even with the best technology right now, the most recent brain transplants we can make have memories only up to six years ago. And it's gotta be replaced every three days-"

"I know!" Todoroki snapped before he pulled back at Ochako's shocked face. "I, I'm sorry… " He shook his head furiously. God what's wrong with you today, you know she's doing nothing wrong and she's trying to help you, what are you doing, get a hold of yourself- "I know you've suffered a lot too," he added hesitantly.

Ochako smiled half-heartedly. "We were going to be married," she stated matter-of-factly. Todoroki nodded numbly, not even surprise registering in his mind anymore. "I've always loved him since we were little, but it was only in med school that he reciprocated. But that's all gone now too, I guess. One-sided love's a jerk, if you know." She laughed bitterly.

Todoroki couldn't help smiling wryly, although more from the irony. What's one-sided love, I've never heard of it. He started as Ochako sighed again and then placed a hand on the door. She turned to him, a steely look sharpening her expression, and he felt his back straighten. "But you know, maybe this pain is worth it. It pushes me. Maybe we'll find a cure and we'll get all of his memories back."

Todoroki nodded as she slipped inside. His heart felt like it was shearing into pieces as he heard Midoriya greet her warmly by her name, and they began to banter lightly about some shenanigan from middle school. The relief and happiness in his voice was glaringly obvious.

How much longer can I go without going insane? Todoroki thought in despair. He shoved down the welling glob of lightlessness deeper into his chest before Ochako popped her head back out again. Todoroki looked up, startled.

"Oh, Todoroki-san? Deku- I mean, Midoriya-san wants to talk with you."


	2. Chapter 2

Todoroki's jaw dropped. He pointed to his face in disbelief. Ochako nodded, and held the door open wider.

"C'mon, he won't bite-" she joked but before Todoroki could stop himself, his feet were already turning away.

"Wai- Todoroki-kun!" Ochako shouted but he yanked open the door to the stairwell and rushed downstairs. His legs jarred when they met each step as he raced down two steps, three steps, at a time. At the final flight, Todoroki blindly burst out the door to a cool darkness. He staggered forward, breath ragged and echoing in the basement parking lot. Todoroki forced himself to hold his breath until his heartbeat finally slowed.

 _The first thing I do is run away. What kind of nurse does that to a patient…_ The nurse held a hand up to his forehead.

He eventually found the entrance to the parking garage, and the hospital main entry right beside it. The sun had set, and it was already getting chilly. The nurse shivered in his short-sleeved uniform. "Shit, better get a jacket or something," he muttered. "It's really getting cold in September… "

Todoroki took a step towards the hospital when a woman burst out of the doors, red-faced. The nurse started. The chubby woman's ivy-green hair was swept in a messy bun, and was slowly unraveling as she held her knees, panting in painful gasps. Todoroki's eyes widened.

"You're… " He shook his head. _Priorities._ "Are you alright, is something the matter?" he asked brusquely, ignoring his off-duty beeper. He gently took her wrist and began counting the pulses while checking his wristwatch. "I'll be taking your pulse, ma'am." _Sweating, fast heart rate it seems, panic-_

Midoriya Inko looked up in confusion before shaking her head. "Oh no, I'm sorry. I just… I… " Todoroki froze as she suddenly grabbed the nurse, holding him in a tight embrace as her shoulders shook violently. She gave a muffled cry. He felt his a patch in his shoulder grow wet.

"My Izuku, my poor, poor Izuku!" The woman sobbed, sinking to her knees. Todoroki awkwardly knelt beside her, patting her back stiffly. She clung tighter to him, weeping. "... Third surgery… _Third_! And still, he-!… He can't transplant his whole body forever, what will he _do_?!" The note of despair rang like a crystal bell.

"Mi-Midoriya-san, we… " Todoroki suddenly felt his words dissipate from his tongue like seafoam. _'We'... ? We what? 'We're going to find a cure'? 'We're going to save him'? … Bullshit. Saying that would be like…_ Todoroki jolted as the automatic door smoothly opened. A patient, a doctor, a nurse, someone, glanced at the two huddled figures before whipping their face away, walking just a hint faster into the parking lot. Todoroki narrowed his eyes into slits. _'Just another hopeless cause'. Is that what you thought?_ He paused, his eyes sliding back to the trembling woman before him.

 _… I can't say those things about cures. Those false hopes. I'd be just like those people then. Treating her like some stranger, some nobody, to whom you can just lie happy lies…_

"Midoriya-san, the only thing I can promise… " Todoroki swallowed. _Or… that I hope I can promise._ "... is that we'll make sure your son is comfortable here."

 _Until the end._

The unspoken words hung heavily in the air and Todoroki shoved away the muddling feelings beginning to coagulate in his heart. The mother gave a final shudder before her tears subsided, and she slowly let go of his shoulders. Todoroki held out a hand, and she latched onto it as she staggered to her feet. She sniffled before sighing.

"Thank you very much… " Inko raised her head, and Todoroki was struck by the uncanny similarity her eyes had with her son's. Even how they tinged scarlet after crying. She glanced at his name tag, before blushing. "Um, Todoroki-san. Ah I'm sorry, I really should know your name by now… "

Todoroki shook his head, and began to guide her into the lobby to sit down. "It's alright, I'm used to it." When Midoriya-san's eyes misted, Todoroki quickly added, "Not just in terms of your son's sickness, but just, in the hospital. Everyone is preoccupied afterall."

"I am sorry, nonetheless." She paused and her mouth curved into a small, sad smile. "I do remember you and Izuku being good friends. It's strange, isn't it… ? Or maybe more ironic… How now he's the one on the bedside when he wanted to be the one to heal others so much… "

Todoroki jerked to a halt as memories began to well up again. Rays of watery sunlight washing along the spines of dusty medical texts. The delicately sweet aroma of morning hazelnut coffee twining with honeyed lemon tea. Scrunched writing, endless words on human anatomy, "A picture is a thousand words but I guess my notes are more words than diagrams, hahah", how his beautiful green eyes were flecked with pale gold like a medieval dragon's egg when the light hit them _right there_ -

 _Shit, no no no-_ Todoroki slammed down on the memories with a tight clamp, wrenching it away somewhere deeper.

"Todoroki-san… ?" Inko tilted her head. The nurse gasped and looked up. _Oh crap, I-_ He gave a curt nod and looked away, letting the woman sit on the plastic bench. He shifted his weight from foot to foot.

 _Should I stay… ?_ "Midoriya-san, are… do you want to go upstairs, or… ?"

"Oh no, I'm sure you're very busy Todoroki-san. I wouldn't want to bother you; I just need a moment before seeing Izuku again for the night." Midoriya's mother laughed and flashed a smile, but he didn't miss her trembling lips. She folded her hands tightly in her lap as her gaze shifted back down.

 _Oh…_

Todoroki brushed the back of his head. "… Well… " He looked up, avoiding direct eye contact. "No, I'm… I'm actually on break right now. If you don't mind, could I sit with you for a while?" The question left his mouth before he could stop himself.

She looked up, startled, before smiling again, gratefully this time. Todoroki snatched a glance down and winced internally at the achingly familiar warmth. "Of course you may, Todoroki-san," she said warmly.

He took a seat beside her. _She's so small_ , he thought. _Well, Midoriya was never tall to begin with either I guess…_

"Todoroki-san, may I ask you something?"

He nodded. She took a deep breath. "What exactly happens if Izuku doesn't… receive the brain transplant?"

 _… what?_ He whipped his head towards her.

She glanced at him before hastily continuing, tripping over her words. "I-If, well, if he didn't have the transplant, then, then he would remember…. He would remember the three days before the next transplant, right? All the days before the transplant?" She choked but almost violently rubbed them away. "My Izuku, he- he still doesn't know that he's lost four years… He still thinks he's about to go to medical school, and, and, his dream… his _dream_ … "

Her voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. "No one will tell me what would happen if he just… didn't…the surgery… Maybe he could go to medical school, if only for a short time or something, if he could just learn and remember… " Inko's words trailed off, but her eyes had an intense light shining in them.

Todoroki wrenched away from her gaze and stared out into the lobby. The words that were always stewing in the back of his mind felt foreign to say aloud, garbled like gunk in his mouth. _Is it right for me to say that? Is it alright for someone like_ me _to say it? Though I'm sure no one told her because…no one had the heart to tell her…_ He stilled. His hands curled into fists. The image of the embarrassed look from the stranger walking out of the hospital branded itself in his mind. Another, older memory, of a clattering teakettle surfaced, superimposing on wild and absolutely empty eyes.

 _No. No, she deserves to know the whole truth. She's his_ mother.

He bit his lips so hard he could taste flat, tongue-curling copper. A tiny voice sneered, _And what do you know about mothers, you made your own go insane didn't you._

"... It degenerates over a month. At first it'll be fine. Maybe for a week or two. But then… Motor skills, cognition, memory. Everything. Not just the memories from the past four years- _everything_ will begin to fall apart."

Inko's face drained of color from an already pale complexion to a sickly yellow pallor.

"He ends in a vegetative state, if he doesn't die from enormous seizures first."

A soft gasp. Todoroki closed his eyes, tight. _I'm so sorry._ He whispered as gently as he could, "So… if the price to stay alive is not remembering the past five years… it's not worth it. That kind of life isn't worth the two weeks of retaining new memories."

"Then…" Inko's voice hitched. _I'm so sorry._ "He… he'll never… he'll never be able to leave the hospital? He can never learn or remember anything past three days… again?"

 _I'm so so sorry-_ "Yes."

"M… Mom?"

Todoroki's eyes snapped open. His heart stopped.

Midoriya stared, wide-eyed, with a hand on his IV. His face was ghastly white.

His mother jerked her head upward, tears streaming down her round cheeks. "I… Izuku… ?" She reached forward, but he staggered backward, shaking his head.

"What- Mom, what do… what do you mean? I-... " He kept shaking his head, his shoulders beginning to quake "I can't, I can't leave? I won't get better? I don't… I lost my memories from the past _four years_?" Midoriya's voice cracked. He held out a quivering hand and stared at it. He murmured to himself, "I thought it was strange that Uraraka-san and Kacchan both 'skipped' med school and are doing their residencies..."

Midoriya let his hand drop and looked straight at his mother. "Mom did you not tell me because I would've forgotten anyway?" he whispered.

"No! Izuku, no, I-I can explain-" his mother began desperately, but the patient stepped back farther and farther until he broke off into a run.

"Izu-!"

Todoroki jumped to his feet when the woman crumpled to the ground. He whipped around. "Mi-Midoriya-san-"

"I'll be fine, just, Izuku-" she moaned.

 _Shit, shit shit shit-_ "Hey you, help this woman!" Todoroki snapped at an intern about to pass through the exit.

"B-but my shift's done-" he began before Todoroki glared daggers at him. He yanked his collar.

"Are you in the health field or not?" he hissed. "Do you _want_ to let people suffer just because they aren't your 'responsibility'?!" The intern furiously shook his head, eyes bulging as Todoroki roughly pushed him away. He didn't bother looking back as he scanned desperately for the forest-green curls. But the hallways were beginning to fill as emergency night patients were being rushed to the ER and other inpatients were calling for assistance and the sirens were screeching as the first ambulances for the night arrived. Frantic doctors and nurses darted between patients and surgery rooms as the crazed "dark hours" began.

 _I should have never said that kind of thing in the lobby, I'm so fucking stupid-_ A knot tightened inside his stomach like a vicegrip as Todoroki blindly dashed through the hall. He shoved forward, barely muttering apologies. _What if he injures himself, what if he falls, he shouldn't have gone too far right? But what if he hurts himself before I find him? This is bad, this is the worst case scenario-_

Todoroki stopped grimly as he reached the end of the hall. "Could I have missed him… ?" he wondered aloud, staring back at the chaotic mess behind him. He turned back to the elevator in front of him. "No… He probably went on the elevator… "

He watched the elevator's ticker stop on the second floor before moving up to the fourth floor. It started coming back down. Todoroki's mind whirled like a maelstrom. _But there's nothing on the fourth floor… That's the anaesthetics ward-_

 _Anaesthetics… ?_ Todoroki felt his stomach drop to the floor. _No-no way-_ He tried to shove away the thought but its sticky fingers lingered all over his mind. An inner voice murmured, _Well why else would a despairing patient go to the anaesthetics ward? After hearing something so drastic, wouldn't anyone? Isn't it reasonable, Shouto? Inpatient suicide…?_

"No, Midoriya would… he would never!" Todoroki shook his head but his hands were clammy. The memories were flooding back, even as someone inside of him shrieked and covered his eyes but he could still see it: the explosion of papers, a sound like a flock of pigeons escaping to the sky as that broken body, crumpled like tinfoil, like a twisted toy mannequin, lying so still at the bottom of the stairs in the growing pool of crimson, and all those carefully etched notes were fluttering down, feathers dissolving, drowning into the flat void of ER red.

 _What if I… what if I killed Midoriya?_

Todoroki's mind went blank. The barely controlled yells and screeching of hospital beds faded into a faint hum. Only his heartbeat throbbed in his ears, more a feeling than a sound. Sensation left his fingers and legs. Numb, only the drumming, pumping, blood.

"-roki-kun? Todoroki-kun. What are you doing here, you aren't normally in this ward."

The elevator had opened and Tsuyu took a step out before nearly walking into him. He flinched, the world whirring back in angry blasts. He barely resisted the urge to cover his ears. The other nurse tilted her head, her eyebrows furrowing as she held a finger to her mouth. "Todoroki-kun… ? Are you feeling ill?"

"Asui did… did you see a patient with green hair in the elevator," he managed to croak.

She blinked. "No, I was alone in the elevator on my way from the fourth floor." She tapped her bottom lip. "Perhaps the patient got off on a lower floor-" she began but he was already turning towards the stairwell.

 _Of course, obviously, that makes much more sense, God, you always think the worst case scenarios, of course Midoriya would never…_ Todoroki felt a giddy sense of relief crash into him as he leapt up the stairs. _He's not on the fourth floor, he must be on the second-!_

Todoroki slammed open the second floor emergency exit. The lights were already dimmed as on-duty nurses ushered out the last, most reluctant visitors. Pediatricians were briskly making their final rounds for the night as well, swooping in for quick chats with parents. Todoroki swept his gaze along the hallway, squinting. _Damn it, he has to be here somewhere,_ he thought, gritting his teeth. He ignored the curious gazes as he strode forward.

 _He has to be here… right? Right?_ A bead of sweat ran down his brow. _… Right?_ An icicle trailed down his spine, apprehension spiking as he turned another corner, and then another, and then… he was back by the stairwell.

"Fuck!" he blurted. A wave of sharp glares swung towards him and someone muttered, "It's a pediatrics ward for Christ's sake; can't nurses control themselves?" But Todoroki barely registered it.

 _I've lost him. I don't know where he is._ Todoroki gripped the stethoscope hanging limply around his neck, feeling the cold, clean metal warm in his fist. _Shit._ Shit. _God damn it, why did I_ say _all those things, what's the use of being a nurse if I'm such a useless, completely incompetent-_

He was so lost in thought that he almost didn't hear it.

"-urse. Mr. Nurse!"

Todoroki turned around as a little girl limped as fast as she could from behind him. _Oh… the girl who I took the blood sample from earlier._ He quickly walked up to her side and she stopped, panting so hard that Todoroki felt a stab of guilt. Todoroki knelt down on a knee. She in turn looked at him with wide gray eyes that matched her frizzy white hair.

"Is… is something wrong?" he asked, forcing down his impatience. The girl paused before nodding vigorously. "What is it?" he prompted as she fidgeted and clenched and unclenched her tiny hospital gown.

"Um… there's someone outside. He looks very sad," she added quickly, her eyes shining with worry before she ducked her head back down again.

Todoroki stifled a sigh. He patted the girl's head. "It's really good of you to care for others, especially since there're lots of sad people in the hos-" He froze. _Outside._

The nurse rose to his feet and stared out the window.

"Of course. The healing gardens," he breathed. The girl nodded and pointed.

"Him," she whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hello again! Thank you so much for reading this fanfic; I was listening to 5 Seconds of Summer's "Want you back" non-stop while writing this, and I thought it might be cool to listen to it while reading it? Just a suggestion though! Anyway, thanks again and I hope y'all like this chapter! This time it's Midoriya's POV ;)

~LavenderIceCream

* * *

Midoriya hadn't meant to run away. He had always prided himself on being able to take hard truths.

Of course hearing that both of his close friends had skipped medical school hurt. Of course. They had always been around him, for better or for worse (Uraraka-san: better. Kacchan: debatable).

"Oi Deku, what the fuck are you doing out of bed, you shouldn't be walking around!"

Midoriya turned as Bakugou and Ochako walked in. "Kacchan! Uraraka-san!" he exclaimed. He scooted towards them from the window, beaming, before Bakugou gave him a nasty glare. Ochako winked at him discreetly before the other doctor could see her. The patient smiled again.

"In bed. Now," Bakugou growled.

"You would think he would be nicer," Ochako said with a pointed look but she shrugged as Midoriya sat down on the hospital bed. She herself sat at the other end while Bakugou hovered near the door.

"What, you have a problem with me caring for patients?!" he snarled, and both she and Midoriya broke into laughter. "What's so funny?! First you want me to be nice and that's obviously not good enough-"He was in mid-rant when Kirishima popped his head in.

"Geez Bakugou, you're so loud I can hear you down the hall," the red-head complained, but his eyes danced with amusement. "At this point we should put a cone of shame around you so people can get ready to close their doors."

"If you do that then won't his voice amplify?" Midoriya asked, before realizing too late as Kirishima and Ochako choked and Bakugou slowly turned to Midoriya with a twitching smile.

"Do you want to die? We're in a hospital but like, do you want to die?"

"U-uh, no. Probably not."

Bakugou snorted and swept out of the room, glaring at Kirishima who smirked back. The other doctor waved a goodbye before the two began their usual banter. Midoriya smiled warmly as he listened to their voices slowly fading away.

"Well I should be going too." Ochako stood up and brushed her coat. Midoriya blinked before his eyes widened. "U… Uraraka-san, are… is that a real doctor's uniform?" he whispered, for the first time noticing the pure-white gown. The gown he had always dreamed of walking in.

She froze. "Uh… yeah."

"Are you, um, shadowing a doctor or something? I mean, we haven't even started med school but-"

"Oh. Well." She laughed nervously. "Um, well, you see Deku, um… I-I happened to do super well on the MCAT or something, so uh… they let me skip med school. Amazing, right?"

Midoriya's jaw dropped. "S… Skip med school?" His mind was whirling. "Wait, but- you and Kacchan… and also Kirishima-kun?"

Ochako swallowed. She flicked out a wristwatch lightning-fast. "Um yeah. You know how competitive our high school was. Uh, I'm really sorry Deku, but I, um, I have something I need to get to, so I'll be leaving now." She practically ran out of the room as Midoriya stared blankly at where she had been sitting.

Midoriya tugged at his hospital gown listlessly. His feet gently swung back and forth on the bench, casting tall and short, tall and short shadows. The garden ground lights casted tawny glows on the brick pavement. Dried leaves littered the ground and the lamplight sharpened the contours of their browning edges. Above the trellis and its twining ivy, several stark-white paper-birch trees shielded him from the bright hospital windows. Midoriya could hear the quietly gurgling creek, like the sleepy giggle of a baby, and beyond that, faint honks of Tokyo traffic like aftersounds of a dream. He felt a wave of nausea at the sound.

"Is this what I'll hear forever? Is this the furthest I can leave the hospital until… until I die?" Midoriya could scarcely believe the words that left his mouth, rocking between whirling disbelief and flat despair. He shook his head.

"... I guess it doesn't matter how I feel, since I'll forget them in three- oh, no wait, two- days." He threw back his head, a bitter smile twisting his mouth before he froze. Todoroki stared down at him. Midoriya felt his throat dry as the nurse's eyes caught the flickering lamp light. They're two different colors, he thought faintly. One dove-gray, the other ice-blue…

The two paused before quickly whipping their heads away. "U-uh, would you like to… um, sit?" Midoriya stammered, his face growing warm. He gesticulated wildly towards the bench. "I-it's comfortable and nice, really, really nice- unless you don't want to, that's completely fine-" he babbled.

"No, thank you." Todoroki took a step forward and sat down. Midoriya blinked at him in confusion. The nurse quickly added, "I mean, I meant, no I don't not want to sit on the bench… or something… " He hid his face into the shadow.

The awkward silence returned. Midoriya felt sweat run down his back and he shivered beneath his thin jacket and his even thinner hospital gown. Darn it, I should've worn a thicker jacket-

Midoriya stopped mid-thought as a blanket fluttered over his shoulders.

"I saw you from inside. They only have smaller blankets on the pediatrics floor, but thought… I thought it might be useful." Midoriya peered up but Todoroki's face remained hidden in the shadows. His green eyes flicked down to the bare arms. Goosebumps trailed down his skin, and Midoriya couldn't help noting the lean muscles. Stop it, you're being weird-

Midoriya scooted closer and flapped one end of the blanket around Todoroki. Todoroki turned, blinking owlishly, and the patient tilted his head, flashing a boyish grin. "You finally looked at me," he said.

The nurse jolted and quickly turned his head again. Midoriya winced. But then Todoroki paused and slowly, ever so slowly, inched his face back towards Midoriya. The green-haired boy felt his breath catch as he saw, on a closer look, the wicked-sharp intelligence beneath the usual bored bluff, how Todoroki's eyes shone iridescently yet metallically, both painfully alive yet stone-cold guarded.

Todoroki bit his lips. "I… " He cleared his throat. "In a way, maybe so," he finally said. Midoriya's smile crumbled as he realized what he meant and this time, it was his turn to shift his gaze down.

"I'm sure I bothered you a fair amount even though I don't… remember… it… " Midoriya forced a jarring laugh. "I always seem to get into trouble anyway."

Todoroki kept his gaze locked ahead.

Midoriya continued, trying his best to ignore how their legs were pressed against each other and the heat emanating from the other's arm. "I mean, earlier today too. I, I didn't mean… to be so rude. And dismissive." His words petered out as Todoroki glanced at him, surprise lighting his face.

"That… that was it?"

The green-haired boy nodded. He cocked his face, dark green curls falling over his eyes. "Is… Um, is there something else I did? That I should have apologized for… ?"

Todoroki 's eyes widened. His mouth slowly opened before he snapped it shut and blinked rapidly. "N... no, I, it's, yes you did, I mean, no-" He brushed the back of his head before he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "No. I meant to say no." The nurse cautiously raised his head to find Midoriya rigid, his face growing bright red.

Midoriya swung his face away, clasping his hands into a sweaty lump. "Oh! Right, I mean, yeah of course. I mean, um, I'm glad I didn't do anything bad or something, that's really good you know, I don't even know what I did before, um, the memories, as in who knows, maybe I did something horrible, something terrible, I wouldn't know I guess, who knows how many people I could've hurt, how many-"

"You would never."

The nervous stream of words suddenly clogged.

The last crickets of autumn hummed, their last sonatas before putting their violins away for winter.

Todoroki repeated his words.

"But I don't even know who I am." The words fell out of his mouth like rotten teeth. "What I've done, what I've felt. What I've said. Anyone I've met." His eyes snapped to Todoroki. "Maybe we've met. And I could've hurt you. Even before I was hospitalized," he said. A thin smile that didn't reach his eyes twitched on Todoroki's face.

"... Fine." Todoroki looked up at the sky and blew out a breath, letting it fog the air. He said quietly, "You could never hurt someone. Not on purpose. Even if you wanted to and even if someone… even if they might have… deserved it."

He kept his eyes straight ahead. "So it'll be okay. You were… you are a good person."

Midoriya couldn't look up. His world began to waver and blur. "I've always- I've always wanted to save people." His voice felt far away as though an actor was monologuing his thoughts. The corners of his eyes blistered and stung though, that felt more real. "I wanted to be a hero, even though that sounds stupid and selfish. And it is..."

"But now not even my stupid and selfish dream- Now I'm just-"

He clamped shut his eyes but hot tears still spilled out. He hunched his shoulders. He blocked out even the tiny sounds of September wind in the grass.

But something small and warm glowed the top of his back. Like hot tea. The thought absurdly popped into his mind and a wave of hysteria washed over him. Midoriya opened his mouth to laugh but a sob hacked out instead. It took Midoriya a moment before he realized one, the sharp cries piercing the air were his own, and that two, it was a hand gently rubbing his back, soothing down the shudders quaking down his spine.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have… said anything." Midoriya shook his head, gritting his teeth as he swallowed a ball of tears. He tried to speak.

"Who was I?" he rasped. "How can people know me… more than me?"

The nurse didn't say anything. Midoriya's sobs slowly settled into ragged sighs, and he slumped against Todoroki's hand. Fatigue dragged his body into stillness even as he strained his ears to hear Todoroki's response, and his eyelids began to close on their own. No wait I have to hear… The last thing before he fell unconscious was a whispered, "You have always been you."

Midoriya woke to a glorious stack of fluffy pancakes and a generous heap of scrambled eggs.

He rubbed his eyes and blearily checked the clock beside the hospital bed. "Ten A.M. huh?" He rubbed his eyes again before bolting upright. Before he could stop himself, his hand punched the nurse-call button.

I- yesterday night, I was in the garden and… did I fall asleep? Before that I was- Heat crawled up Midoriya's neck and he covered his face, embarrassment flooding through him. "Shit," he muttered. And then his eyes widened as he swung towards the button.

"Shit!" he blurted. Oh my god what am I doing- and I just woke up, wait is that drool on my- He rubbed the sticky trail on his cheek. Crap crap what if he comes in, I'm such a mess right now- Midoriya flung out of the sheets just as a sharp rap sounded on his door. His heart plummeted.

"Nurse on call!" Before Midoriya could speak, a green-haired nurse peeked in. She had silky green hair looped behind her head and a clipboard by her chest. "Oh, you're awake, good good." Midoriya slumped back into his bed, relief loosening his face.

"Are you feeling alright Midoriya-san? Do you need anything?"

"Um… no, I was just… oh… wondering about… " He screwed shut his eyes. Oh come on, you can just ask right? "Um… about… "

"Hmm? Oh!" The nurse held a finger up to her mouth. "Of course. Yes, your mother is doing well. She went home yesterday night; she was simply shocked. We've already informed her that you were found."

"What? Oh. Oh. Right, yes." The patient bit his lips as guilt poured over him like hot oil. What am I doing, worrying my mother like that… like this… all the time… and here I am just thinking about myself-

"I believe she is coming to visit later today." The nurse gave a sympathetic smile, her eyes warm. "Is there anything else?"

Midoriya shook his head. "No, thank you very much… um… " He squinted at the name tag. "A… su… i… "

"Asui Tsuyu. Todoroki-san went home after his night shift so I'll be watching over you for today."

The patient straightened. He cleared his throat. "Um. Er, Todoroki-san… Wh-… Um, i-it's not that I don't like you or anything but, um-"

She blinked before letting out a chuckle. "Oh, when is he coming back?" Midoriya blushed from the very roots of his hair. I think disappearing around now would be good. "I think he'll be back tomorrow morning?" Tsuyu paused and smiled as Midoriya looked up, eyes a blatant mixture of relief and disappointment.

"Well, you might see him around today though; he's always in the hospital." Tsuyu briskly nodded towards the plate of food. "Anyway, please do eat. The food will get cold, and hospital food's never been great to begin with." She made to leave.

"Oh, Asui-san!" The nurse turned. Midoriya was grinning from ear to ear, almost painfully wide. "Thank you."

Tsuyu laughed. "You'll have lots of competition, Midoriya-san. Todoroki-kun is quite popular," she said and glimpsed his face blossom red again before she closed the door. The smile on her face faded as her eyes became downcast. "I'm sorry Ochako-chan, it's just… he seemed so happy. And he only has two full days-" Tsuyu stopped herself with a heavy sigh. She walked away with her head bowed.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Oh man, super sorry this is a bit late! I tried to add some fluff but because I'm an asshole of a writer ofc there's plenty of angst too (fun fact: I rewrote this chapter three times because every time I tried to make it light-hearted it got too sad. This is, surprisingly, the least sad version). Anyway, thank you so much for reading and keeping up with the story! See yall again soon~

* * *

Eri kicked her legs back and forth from the side of her hospital bed. She let her hand draw whirlpools in the white sheets. The actual paper and pen left by a kind nurse were left untouched on the desk.

The girl flinched as a sharp rap knocked on the door. "It's me," a low voice rumbled, and the girl's shoulders relaxed a cinch as Aizawa stepped in. He hesitated before walking forward and sitting in a chair three sizes too small for him. The unlikely duo observed each other before Aizawa reached over and ruffled Eri's hair. The girl's head bobbed this way and that, but her usual frown faded into a neutral look.

"Eri, the doctor says you'll be able to leave the hospital soon." Aizawa eyed the girl but her expression gave nothing away. "I guess afterwards you'll be staying with me at my house until official forms get finished… Although you might have to come around with me during the day sometimes."

The girl hesitated before giving a quick nod. Aizawa nodded as well, and the two fell into a mutual silence. Behind them, the mid-morning glowed through the drawn, pale yellow curtains, casting a gentle and rounded light. The chatter down the hall was dimmed to a comforting hum of human presence. Eri breathed evenly, the usually clenched hands relaxed. Aizawa observed the curtains thoughtfully.

"... Well." She jerked her head up as Aizawa stood. "I'm going to go now, but I'll be back again in the afternoon." The droopy-eye man made to leave when he heard a shuffling sound from behind him.

"Um… the boy… " Aizawa blinked in surprise as Eri tugged at her hospital gown, her eyes glued to the ground. "From… yesterday… "

"Oh. Midoriya." The girl raised her head, concern shimmering in her wide eyes. "Right, they found him yesterday. He's fine. You did well to spot-"

"Um!" For the first time, she looked straight at Aizawa. She gulped nervously as a bead of sweat prespired on her forehead, and Aizawa felt a pang of guilt. He knelt down so that he was eye-level with her. He scratched the back of his head.

"Uh, did I do something wrong?"

Eri shook her head vigorously. He let out a small sigh of relief.

"But… the boy… " She pulled at her hands. "Is he… He's in the photo on your desk?"

Aizawa paused before sighing again, this time not from relief but from something heavier in his chest. He slowly rose to his feet. Eri tilted her head, eyes darting across his face before the man ruffled her hair again.

"You notice too much. You're right though, he was… a former student of mine at Yuuei Medical School. That was a class photo from a few years ago." He peered closer at her but then drew away. "I dunno, maybe you met him before."

"But- he's so happy in the photo, why was he so sad yesterday… ?"

A shadow crept over Aizawa's face. "Sometimes… well, bad things happen. Even to good people. Maybe especially to good people." He stopped as Eri stared at him in horror.

"But…then, but, I don't want… " Her voice trembled. "I don't want bad things to happen to you!"

The tiniest glimmer of a smile slipped on Aizawa's face before quickly disappearing. He only ruffled Eri's hair just a bit longer than usual. "Don't worry. It takes more than bad things to knock me down. This old man's too stubborn."

A knock rapped on the door, and Tsuyu stepped in. She smiled but Eri scooted behind Aizawa, peering from behind him.

"You two are as close as always," she remarked as she pushed in a cart filled with vials, blood pressure monitors, thermometers and more.

"Now now Eri-" Aizawa began but Eri tugged at his clothes. She mumbled, "What about the nurse yesterday?"

"Yesterday?"

"He had… red… white, hair… "

Tsuyu held a hand up to her mouth to stifle her laugh. "Todoroki-chan is really popular today." Aizawa rolled his eyes. "That boy… " he muttered.

"Todoroki… san?" Eri asked while Tsuyu took out the miniature pressure monitor connected with a thermometer.

"Mmhm. Just this morning another patient asked for him too. Would you believe."

"Oh." Aizawa raised an eyebrow as realization dawned on him. "And now what's Midoriya playing with at now."

Eri turned her head at his name but Tsuyu tutted. "Now I need your temperature, Eri. Open your mouth wide like Totoro please."

"Toto… ro?" The girl stared uncertainly at Tsuyu. "What's that?"

"Oh. Well, he's a forest spirit who likes to sleep. And has a big yawn like this." Tsuyu opened her mouth wide open and wiggled her tongue. Eri couldn't help giggling, and mimicked her. Tsuyu smiled again, her eyes delighted.

"That's right, good." She put in the thermometer and Eri closed her mouth. "And also Aizawa-sensei, I would recommend you not to say such a thing about Midoriya-chan. He's suffered enough as is."

"Well he's not the only one to."

"He's not- it's not on purpose. He hasn't even noticed it himself yet. Midoriya-chan, he doesn't have much time left, he'll have to decide what to do soon and whatever he chooses, it's going to be painful for him… Open your mouth now Eri." Tsuyu took away the thermometer and entered the numbers in a small computer. The smile was already fading away from her mouth.

"And Uraraka? What about her?"

Tsuyu held out the pressure monitor and motioned to Eri for her arm. Eri obediently held it out and Tsuyu wrapped the band around her thin limb. "Aizawa-sensei, she's obsessed," Tsuyu said softly. "She's… she's almost going crazy to 'get back' those memories. You know what she'll tell him, what choice to make. But I… It's… it's not…not healthy- "

"That's not your place to say."

Tsuyu froze, her hands mid-air. She swallowed before she turned to Eri and said, "Eri, the band's going to squeeze your arm a bit okay." Eri nodded but she wasn't sure whether the nurse even saw her. A tiny whine sounded in the room as the baggy band began to compress. Tsuyu kept her eyes focused on the monitor.

After a long moment, the machine beeped and Tsuyu deftly unwrapped the band. She clicked in some numbers before shutting her computer and giving Aizawa a long, steady look. He met her gaze head-on. Eri hunched her shoulders, eyes flashing between the two.

At last, Tsuyu whispered, "If we all did only what was in 'our place', then more people would get hurt."

Aizawa shook his head slowly as the nurse wheeled the cart out. But before she stepped out the door he called, "Asui… take care. I know you were Midoriya's friend too."

The nurse paused but she didn't turn around and only kept moving forward. The teacher watched until she disappeared into the crowd before turning to Eri. He suddenly seemed to have aged several years, his pallor chalkier than usual. "Now I really need to leave. But don't worry, I'll be back." Eri nodded and he slipped out of the room, leaving her to herself. She bit her lips. Her hands began to trace out swirls in her sheets unconsciously but her mind wasn't into it. At last she shook her head, folded her hands on her lap, and began to count with her eyes closed. "One, two, three … "

"... two hundred ninety-nine, three hundred." Eri stopped and opened her eyes slowly. Then she shuffled off the bed and peered out the hall, her eyes searching. She stiffened at the sight of shaggy black hair before relaxing at the teal uniform beneath it. After waiting another moment, the girl gingerly took a step forward to glance out farther. Her eyes widened as she peered down towards the elevator and saw the cart. Her feet pitter-pattered down the corridor, the shock of white hair streaming behind her back.

Tsuyu had just emerged from another room when Eri smacked into her. The nurse nearly dropped a sample of blood in surprise. "Eri! What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.

The girl opened her mouth but quickly closed it, fidgeting from foot to foot as though the ground was hot coals. Tsuyu cocked her head before she jumped at her buzzer beeping. She flipped it out, her eyes scanning it before she dropped it back into her pocket.

"I'm sorry Eri, I have to go-"

"Wait! I, I just, I want to talk to Midoriya-san!" the girl cried out. She didn't flinch away as Tsuyu met her gaze, although her clenched hands were trembling.

"Midoriya-chan?"

She nodded.

"But, why?"

"He… um…" She gripped the hems of her gown. "He… he seems so sad!" she blurted. "I want to help him, like how he helped me!"

Tsuyu blinked before placing a finger on her lips.

Beep beep. Beep beep. Be- clatter.

Todoroki grumbled as he pushed away the alarm clock beside his futon. He blearily rubbed his eyes, focusing on the glowing analytic numbers. "Ten…? Eleven… Eleven forty?!" He gaped at the number before groaning and falling back into his blankets.

"Damn, it's so late… " He laid an arm over his face, enjoying the last pockets of warmth in the thick comforter before sighing. "Today… I'm seeing Mom… right… " He sighed again and then crawled out of the futon. The nurse shivered as the cold air prickled his skin.

Within fifteen minutes, he had washed his face, dressed, and was shoveling down some microwaved rice with dried seaweed. As Todoroki sipped his green tea in the living room, his eyes flicked out the window of the apartment. Beyond the heads of red-white dahlias still blooming in the cold, the sky was becoming cloudier, almost like crests of wool. Grey office buildings and apartments rose unevenly all around.

"Maybe it'll even snow," he mused.

He held the mug in his hands, the warmth emanating through his skin. Todoroki closed his eyes as the bitter fragrance of green tea melded into the dense smell of sweet hot chocolate, complete with half-melted foam of marshmallows, from one December day.

'Hey Todoroki-kun, want to take a break?'

He raised his head, blinking, one hand mid-sentence in his notes. All around him, medical students were writing with an almost unhealthy fervor, some even beginning to smell like sweaty socks and over-salted ramen. The usually peaceful library had an air of stringent tension, and the multifaceted light coming through the stained glass gave the reading room a strangely trippy atmosphere. Or maybe that's just because I can't remember the last time I slept, Todoroki thought as Midoriya smiled tiredly across the table, his own hair sticking up and bags under his eyes.

'Hate to say this but I can't really concentrate on anything I'm reading right now… '

Todoroki nodded. 'Just let me finish this sentence.' He scribbled down the final words before dropping his pencil and stretching back, sighing as the knot in his shoulders unraveled.

'Haha, you're just like a cat Todoroki-kun.'

Todoroki side-eyed the other boy, to which Midoriya laughed again. 'Even that was like what a cat would do.'

'Is that a compliment?'

Midoriya flashed a smile. 'Sure, I like cats.'

Todoroki's mouth dropped for a moment before he quickly shut it and began gathering his books. 'C'mon, we're going to take a break, aren't we,' he muttered. Midoriya tilted his head before nodding, puzzlement flickering in his eyes before the two made their way out of the library.

'Oof! Cold!' Midoriya shivered as a sharp gust of wind met them outside, spurring away the musty warmth. He rubbed his red-tinted eyes. 'Maybe it'll wake us up though.'

Todoroki tugged his plaid chestnut scarf tighter and turned towards Midoriya. 'Where should we go?'

'Let's not go too far… What about that bench there?' Todoroki nodded and the two walked over to a small bench beneath some leafless oak trees. The quad was almost silent except for the distant tolling from the chapel, ringing three times. The grass was withering and all the trees were barren like stripped bones, but Todoroki didn't mind.

It's so quiet. Usually there's so many people going to class and whatever but at least during exams…

'It's so quiet. I feel like I can finally think.' Midoriya leaned back and stared into the sky, grinning. He closed his eyes. 'I mean, we are studying and thinking but… sometimes… it's nice to be able to reflect.'

Todoroki let out a breath, watching his breath come to life. He looked out at the stark buildings with their strict red-bricks and firmly shut windows. 'Midoriya… do you like med school?'

'Hmm?' The green-haired boy blinked. 'Yeah. It's tough but… ' His eyes gained a distant look. 'Everytime I feel like it's too much, I remember how every step gets me closer to my goals. To becoming a doctor that can save people. So… yes.'

'Is that how it is.' Todoroki let out another breath.

'What about you Todoroki-kun? Do you… do you enjoy med school?'

He didn't respond for a while. The biting cold pierced his cheeks, leaving needle pricks blotching his skin. Midoriya patiently waited.

Finally, Todoroki said, '... My dad. He's a lawyer, though he's the last person on Earth who's fit for that job. But… he doesn't think I can succeed if I'm not a lawyer. He was set on making me take over the office after he retired.' Todoroki's hands clenched. His eyes gained a dangerous glint. 'But there's no way in hell I would do anything that he wants me to do. I'll show him I can succeed even without a law degree. I'll never let him control my life or even think he can, I'd rather die first.'

'Don't become a doctor.'

Midoriya stood, his eyes flashing. Todoroki narrowed his eyes and looked away.

'Sorry I don't have any noble life goals,' he said bitterly. 'I'm not good like y-'

'Don't waste your life like this!'

Todoroki's eyes widened as Midoriya grabbed his shoulders and glared at him, their noses almost touching. 'Don't throw away your life just to piss your dad off! Don't you know how long med school is?! You'll be trapped here for years then!'

'Of course I know!' Todoroki slapped away Midoriya's hands and stood as well. The shorter boy didn't flinch away from their locked gaze.

'Stop acting like you know my troubles, like you know what he put the rest of my family though!' Todoroki spat. 'Throwing away my life?! Hah, anything's worth it if it means he can suffer and suffer and suffer, if he can feel even a fraction of the pain he put us through, if he, if he-'

'It's your life!'

All those words spilling from him evaporated. Todoroki stared at Midoriya, who stared back, eyes steely. Todoroki's mouth felt numb, as though peppermint had been slathered over it, the icy spiciness shivering through all over him, and the ground and the sky and the trees were all disappearing, everything was, everything except for the small, green-haired medical student in front of him.

'... Is it?' His voice came out scratchy.

'If… you want it,' Midoriya whispered.

'Do you?'

Todoroki felt his head blanking. Do I… do I want this life? Is it… is it ok for me to- for me to live… to live for just… my… self? Can I live… Am I allowed to live so freely? Without thinking of ruining him?

His throat closed.

'I do. I do, I do, I do,' Todoroki choked. 'I want to live, I want to live without this. I want to be free. I don't want to live for making someone suffer, even if they deserve it. I want to live how I want to live…!' His voice cracked as hot tears ran down his dry skin like fire on parchment, and Todoroki bent over, his shoulders shaking.

'Good… ' Midoriya breathed. Todoroki distantly felt a hand guide him to the bench and a soft, 'Wait here, I'll be back' and then footsteps briskly disappearing. He shivered, each tear painfully burning across his cheeks as he bit his parched lips, metal curling in his mouth as only the occasional sob slipping out.

'Sorry for the wait, here.' Todoroki raised his head to see Midoriya panting, two cups in his hands. His face was flushed. 'There was a bit of a line but… ' He sat down beside Todoroki with a huff, his thick jacket brushing against Todoroki's. He turned to him with a bright smile and held out a cup.

'Hot chocolate!'

'T...thanks,' Todoroki said as he took the cup, blinking. He peered suspiciously at the green-haired boy. 'Aren't you… still mad at me?'

'Oh yeah for sure!' Midoriya replied cheerfully as he took a sip. Todoroki gave such a perplexed and shocked expression that when Midoriya glanced over, he nearly spat out the drink.

'God, what… what kind of face is that?!' He laughed so hard he was practically wheezing.

'I, but- what?'

'I'm mad at you, of course.' Midoriya stopped and his expression became serious. 'Who wouldn't when their friend doesn't think that their life is meaningful?'

'But… ' He sighed. 'It's true what you said, I don't know anything about you or your family. So for now… I'm happy if my feelings have reached you at least.' Midoriya glanced over again. 'Or at least, I think they have… right?'

Todoroki nodded. Midoriya smiled.

'Plus it's such a pain to be outwardly mad all the time like that!' He made a face. 'Anyway, drink your hot chocolate Todoroki-kun, it'll get cold!'

'O-oh, right.' He held the cup to his lips before finding Midoriya watching him intently, eyes sparkling. Todoroki lowered the cup and raised an eyebrow, ignoring the heat warming through him even without the drink.

'What, I can't watch my friend drink hot chocolate?' Midoriya teased.

'Not like that, you idiot,' Todoroki muttered, looking down at the cup as Midoriya laughed again, almost childlike.

'You get embarrassed unexpectedly easily, Todoroki-kun.'

'Oh be quiet, you don't make it any easier by staring at me.'

'Whaaat, but you're so pretty, who wouldn't stare?'

Todoroki rolled his eyes. 'Stop flattering me, it won't get you anywhere.' Midoriya grinned and Todoroki couldn't help notice his freckles on his cheeky face.

'But it's true! You're really beautiful, Todoroki-kun.'

'Please.'

'Even Uraraka-san thinks so, and she's my girlfriend!' Midoriya scratched the back of his head bashfully. 'Although I'm sure I probably look okay since she's dating me. I mean, but she's so pretty and smart and just… such a nice person, I still can't believe she said yes. I've known her for so long so she's almost like a sister- oh but not in a weird incestuous way or, or anything weird like that! But she's just so… ' Midoriya kept on his rush of words, his face getting pinker with the second.

Todoroki watched before he took a quick sip of the hot chocolate. It wasn't anything expensive or high-quality, but it was still the most delicious thing Todoroki had tasted in the last week. Velvety chocolate coated his tongue like a snug winter coat, and foamy, melted marshmallows gave it a creamy, sweet touch. The aftertaste was slightly bitter and left his mouth raw. He turned towards Midoriya.

'This tastes-' Todoroki stopped as he saw Midoriya still gesticulating wildly.

'-and she's just so amazing Todoroki-kun, she knows so much and she's going to be an incredible doctor, I just know it, I'm so lucky that she's my girlfriend and- oh wait sorry, what were you saying?' Midoriya paused, catching his breath.

'No… ' Todoroki shook his head, a faint smile on his lips. 'No, you must really love her. Uraraka.'

Midoriya's face transformed from pink to bright red but he managed to laugh.

'Yep! I'm totally in love with her!'

Todoroki jerked as his phone buzzed. He tapped it open to find a message from Natsuo: "Hey we're almost there! Meet you in Mom's room?" Todoroki punched out a quick reply before rising to his feet. He took his mug of green tea to the sink and then paused. The nurse looked inside. His reflection wavered in the translucent forest green, flecks of tea leaves drifting at the bottom.

"... I'll put away these feelings. I'm only taking advantage of his amnesia; he's meant to be with someone else… No one needs to suffer anymore," Todoroki whispered.

He dumped the green tea into the sink.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Aaaaa I'm so sorry this has been a week later than usual! But here's the newest chapter and I hope you enjoy 3

~LavenderIceCream

* * *

Knock knock. Midoriya looked up from his book. "Come in!" he called.

He blinked as the door cracked open and a tiny head peeped in. Eri stared at him with wide eyes, her tiny hands gripping the edge of the door. Midoriya broke into a smile.

"Could you be… the girl who saw me in the gardens? I heard from a couple nurses that a girl with white hair found me yesterday. Eri, right?" Eri ducked her head, her cheeks glowing pink like baby peaches. She let her hair curtain her face.

"Thank you." The girl looked up to find Midoriya gazing back, solemnly. "I wasn't feeling well and you helped me."

Eri shook her head rapidly. After pausing, she took two steps and placed a folded slip of paper on his bed stand. "Asui-san… " she whispered. Midoriya reached over before stopping. He gave Eri a curious look and opened his mouth before closing it. Instead, he gestured to the chair next to the bed with a smile. He took back his hands. Eri fidgetted from foot to foot before finally scooting over and sitting down, back ruler straight and hands perfectly folded.

Midoriya tapped the book on his lap. "Do you know what this book is?" Eri shook her head.

"It's a psychiatry textbook. Specifically for children." He let his hand slide across the smooth cover fondly. "See, I want… I wanted to be a child psychiatrist. I think, especially here, we can do more for children's mental health, what with bullying and abuse. I want… ed, wanted, to be there for kids and make them at ease… " The green eyes became more and more distant. "But… I'm the one in the hospital now. I'm no longer someone who can heal. I'll never be able to now, actually."

"That's not true!" Midoriya jumped as Eri leapt forward. She grabbed his scarred hand, and shook it up and down. "Not! True!"

"Wai- ow, ow!" Eri froze at Midoriya's grimace and dropped his hand like it was blistering coal. She shuffled back before Midoriya quickly held up a hand. "Wait, wait!"

"Wait… I- What do you mean by not true?" He tilted his head.

Eri stared at the ground. Midoriya patiently waited, until at last, in an impossibly small voice, she whismurred, "You saved me."

"I…Me? I, I did?"

Eri nodded.

"But… " He struggled to get out the words, his throat squeezed thin. "How? What did I do?"

The small girl shifted from foot to foot, clenching and unclenching her hands. After several moments, "A bad man," before zipping her mouth shut. Eri let go of her creased hospital gown only to snatch a different part of the cloth. Midoriya noticed that her hospital gown was riddled with ridges and crests all around her abdomen.

The patient closed his eyes and held his breath before letting it out slowly through his teeth.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I made you remember something bad." He pulled on a loose curl in front of his face. "I shouldn't have prodded. I'm sorry." Eri scuffled the front of her shoes before sitting back down in her chair.

The two fell into a contemplative silence. Midoriya flipped open his textbook, paused, and stole a glance at Eri, who stared right back at him. He gave a sheepish laugh and then turned back to his textbook, his eyes sharpening. Eri observed him wordlessly, watching how his eyes scanned from left to right, left to right, left to right.

He flipped a page before speaking again. "Thank you again. For telling me that I saved you. I… you see, I don't… I don't remember anything from the past four years." Midoriya kept his eyes glued to the page, but Eri watched the green eyes lose their intense light, like the candle going out in a lamp. "I'm glad I did something worthwhile. Before… "

Midoriya fell silent. Eri's eyes softened as she saw his hands still, and she hesitantly reached over to ruffle his hair.

"Yes," she replied, lightly brushing the tops of his hair. Midoriya raised his head, a watery smile crossing his lips. "You might be the one saving me all the time," he said with a raspy laugh.

"No. To… Todo…do… " She paused, scrunching her face before her eyes lit up. "Todoroki-san. He saved you. Not me."

Midoriya blinked before he blushed. "Um, yeah," he mumbled. Eri peered up at him with owlish eyes.

"You don't… like him?"

"What?!" He jerked his head up and Eri flinched, her eyes flashing. Midoriya gasped and then took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just… surprised." The girl wrung her hands before nodding slowly, and she cautiously sat up again.

"Um well… " Midoriya brushed the back of his head with his palm. "Uh, so, I don't… I don't not like… Todoroki-san. " Eri looked at him blankly so Midoriya hurriedly re-explained. "I mean, I do… uh, like. Todoroki-san."

"But… well… " The patient looked down at his hands. "He's way too out of my league. He's such a talented nurse, I mean, a-and, he seems so knowledgeable and capable and, and most of all he's just… "

Midoriya stared into his hands, turning them this way and that. Eri watched at him unblinkingly, her swaying feet still.

"But it's just-" Midoriya swallowed and clamped shut his eyes. "I don't know, I feel muddled inside. Am I, do I feel like this because… I'll lose everything soon? What if… this isn't how the 'real', the past me, would act?" He shook his head slowly. Which version of me is real? The one with the memories or the one right now?

If I've lost all my memories for good, does that mean… I can never become who I am? Am I always going to be a 'fake' Midoriya Izuku, if the past me is the real me?

… Whatever this feeling is…

"I can't. It wouldn't be fair to him." Midoriya took a deep breath and raised his head, staring ahead into the wall. He crafted his lips into the shape of a smile.

"I'll put away… whatever these are. I'm- he's too kind to me, I'm taking advantage of him. He's meant to spend time with someone else, someone who'll be alive and remember him." Midoriya laughed but it came out bitter, an espresso more like petroleum.

"No one needs to suffer anymore."

Eri held a hand to her throat as her eyes began to sting. She began to shake her head but Midoriya gave her a sad smile. But it fell as Eri leaped to her feet and, scrubbing her face, dashed out the door. The patient sighed and laid back into the hospital bed, staring after the white hair flowing down the hallway. He glanced towards the window, the white curtains lightly rippling and showing only glimpses of the sunlight. He winced at the occasional whiff of sharp antiseptic up his nose.

What am I doing… Midoriya stared upward at the dotted ceiling. He breathed out and fatigue weighed down on his shoulders, his energy draining away, and suddenly he remembered dimly long ago, how a garden snake outside his home had curled around a tiny dormouse, winding and clenching until those feeble paws at last twitched stiff, too tired before the heart finally stopped too. Rigor mortis… can that happen to your heart too? A mocking voice answered, Well emotions are all in your head, aren't they. Midoriya's own eyes began to droop and a dizzying black rose to meet him. The last sensation he felt was the corner of the textbook jabbing into his rib, before that too numbed away.

She clicked absently for the next page of research articles to pop up. "I've already seen all of these, darn it," Ochako grumbled, her eyes burning as though she had poured detergent in them. She didn't look away from her screen though as she reached for her coffee. "Gosh, these just aren't- ouch!" The doctor winced as her fingers stung, coffee dripping from them. She sighed and grabbed a tissue.

"Ochako-chan?" She swiveled around to see Tsuyu peering in the office. "Are you okay?"

Ochako's face softened. "Tsuyu-chan." She leaned back into her chair and gave another, deeper sigh, and the nurse stepped inside the room a bit. Her eyes darted to the stacks and stacks of printed research articles scattered around the table and piled on all the cushions, making the small room feel even tinier. Ochako followed her gaze and quickly rose to her feet, her face growing pink. "I'm so sorry, it's just, I've been so busy- here, I can put these aside-"

"Oh no, it's fine. I just wanted to check on you, that's all." The doctor paused and set back the papers. She collapsed onto her chair again.

"I know it's been hard on you, Ochako-chan," Tsuyu said softly. Ochako nodded numbly, her eyes downcast. The nurse continued. "It's always so hard, especially when he begins to ask about… everything. Midoriya-chan was always so sharp."

"Is," Ochako corrected. She picked at her nails, shoulders slumped. She murmured half-heartedly, "Tsuyu-chan, I'm so close. I'm so close to something."

Tsuyu straightened, her eyes widening. She tried to speak but had to clear her voice first. "Are… do you mean it? He can- his memories?" Her voice trembled. "Ochako-chan… that's, that would, for you-!"

The doctor nodded but then she held her hands up to her temples. "But… not yet. I still need to make sure about some things… And worst of all… " Her mouth twitched. "All of these surgeries. If I'm correct with this 'cure', it'll be… " Her eyes clamped shut. "It'll be harder every time he undergoes… transplants."

The nurse was silent, the unspoken words hanging heavy in the air.

It'll be amazing… but only if she's correct.

He lightly rapped on the door. The words "nurse on call" almost slipped out before he caught himself. "Stop it, you're just visiting today," he muttered to himself.

Todoroki hesitantly cracked open the door, pricking his ears as he heard long, muffled breaths. He took a step in and closed the door behind him.

Fast asleep… Todoroki paused before folding his winter coat over his arm and sitting in a chair beside the hospital bed. Midoriya was in bed, his head lolled to one side. His hair was a rat's nest stuffed in an electric socket, sticky drool glistened on a cheek, and sweat stuck curls onto his forehead. Before he could stop himself, Todoroki was wiping away the drool with a tissue. "What are you, a little kid?" he muttered as he folded the used tissue and placed it on the bedstand. That was when he paused.

His hand reached toward a folded piece of paper. "What's this?" the nurse murmured but he glanced up when Midoriya hummed and shifted his head, letting it fall towards Todoroki. He pulled the covers up closer to his chin, snuggling down.

What am I doing? This is none of my business. Disgusted, the nurse firmly placed the closed paper slip back onto the desk. He sat back again, eyes flicking towards the patient. "I'm sorry, " he whispered, but Midoriya's breathing remained even.

Todoroki watched his chest rise and fall, consistent like a bobbing ship merrily sailing away. Gnarled and scarred hands gripped the edges of the thin sheets, wrinkling them, and the IV kept on dripping like an hourglass. An organized chaos of clear tubes ran all along the hospital bed and twined around the monitors. Together with a constant beep every few seconds, the room tingled with a both deafeningly loud and an inhumanely silent.

At least I'm used to hospitals, Todoroki thought dimly. He checked his watch. In another two hours, I guess. The wrist fell back down, limp, and the nurse leaned back, his eyes searching the dotted ceilings.

"These look just like your freckles," he murmured.

Todoroki sighed as Midoriya mumbled incoherently and shifted to his side. A thud met the floor, and a textbook slapped to the ground, sprawling open.

"'Abnormal Childhood Psychiatry.'" Frowning, the nurse hauled up the thick book up to his lap. His eyes softened. "That's right… he always used to take notes in the books."

The pages were chock filled with cramped handwriting in the margins and the whole page was filled with pink, green, and yellow highlights. A tiny diagram of the brain in the corner was skewered with words and sticky-notes and even tinier, hand-drawn diagrams. Todoroki ran a finger along the words. What were you thinking about when you wrote all this?

Probably the next exam or katsudon or something. Todoroki took another moment to run a hand on the page before finally drawing the book shut. He carefully placed it on the bedside when Midoriya mumbled, and wriggled further within the blankets. He twisted onto his side and Todoroki swallowed as he stared at the long lashes. Another trail of drool began to start along the corner of the patient's mouth.

"Really… " Todoroki shoved down his slowly increasing pulse and grabbed another tissue. He expertly dabbed at Midoriya's mouth and had just drew away when a hand snatched forward, grasping Todoroki's.

"Wh-"

His hand was clutched close to Midoriya's chest, and Todoroki froze as he realized that the throbbing sensation beneath his fingertips was heartbeats under the thin hospital gown. The nurse stared at the curly mess of hair, now ducked down.

Is he awake? But the nurse bit his tongue and shook his head roughly. No, this isn't the time to worry about that, I have to get away- Todoroki yanked his hand back, blinking at the surprising ease with which it had been released. He held his hand and began to rise to his feet but froze as a sleepy voice mumbled, "No…not again… "

"... wanna be real…who... " Midoriya's words slurred into grumbles as he again twisted and this time turned onto his other side.

No.

Before he knew what he was doing, Todoroki was sitting on the bed and had a hand over Midoriya's forehead. It's only once. It's only once, it won't happen again. With his heart in his throat, the nurse gently brushed aside the curls stuck to his head. He stared wide-eyed at the thick curls between his fingers, marveling at the deep forest green that almost became black in the shadows. He self-consciously tugged at his own, straight hair before running his fingers through Midoriya's hair again. "It's so soft… " he mumbled.

He didn't know how long he stayed there like that, in that quiet room. With every high-heeled clack of shoes down the hallway, he couldn't help freezing until the sound would fade away, and he would relax again. But at the same time, his fingers were drawn to the tangled hair, playing with the green curls and brushing them away from Midoriya's face.

"If only you knew," Todoroki whispered, a sudden longing welling in his chest like nostalgia, a honeyed black tea with lemon steeped in for too long.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Holy heck... This is a whopping 1.5 years later update. I literally have no excuse other than life's been a ride... But I'm fairly determined to finish this fic. I've given up on creative writing during that time and pursuing English and blah blah blah but rereading some of the comments on this fic (which are one of the nicest I've ever gotten) has pushed me to write a chapter. I have a vague idea of how I want this fic to finish up... But we'll see. My writing's quite rusty but I want to get all of my ideas out there at least. Anyway, if you're still reading this... thank you so much. It means a lot to me that people like even my crappy amateur writing.

* * *

Oh, _this is surprisingly tasty. I mean, I'm exercising anyway it should be fine right?_ Midoriya licked the last crumbs of the gingerbread biscuit as he walked down the side of the hallway. Nurses and doctors alike were briskly walking up and down in the center of the hall, their clean coats flapping in stride. Midoriya looked at each enviously before shaking his head and sighing.

His feet eventually led him to the first floor atrium. He peered from the side of the wide lobby, his jaw dropping at the far away ceiling dome. Light flooded in, casting shadows of crisscrossing beams on the speckled granite floor. People from all walks of life wandered among the rotund tables scattered about the clearing, and the aroma of freshly roasted coffee permeated the air from the cafe to the side. Midoriya sniffed, and his mouth watered as he could practically taste the chewy dough of sesame bagels and the delicious spiciness of frosting-glazed cinnamon rolls. His stomach rumbled despite his earlier biscuit. "I mean, one cup of coffee couldn't hurt, right? I don't have any more surgeries until next week-" _Except in my head._ Midoriya shoved away the thought, and quickly walked over to the cafe.

"One cup of hazelnut coffee please!"

He smiled as he breathed in the comforting smell. The cup warmed the cold tips of his fingers and he took a quick sip. Midoriya sighed contentedly. "So good… " The patient wandered over to a vacant table and sat down, sipping every now and then as he watched all the people coming through. White coats of doctors, floating gowns of patients, neat slacks of researchers… Midoriya couldn't help his heart from skipping at the occasional flash of a teal-blue. _What are you getting nervous for?_ he scolded himself. _And earlier with Asui-san. Honestly you'll just bother him if you keep this up-_

"Midoriya-kun!"

The patient perked up at the familiar voice. He blinked and an extraordinarily speedy blur zipped up to him. Midoriya's face broke into a wide grin.

"Iida-kun! Thanks for agreeing to see me." And then he froze as someone else stood behind him.

Todoroki took one look at Midoriya's rigid smile and turned to Iida, tapping his shoulder before quickly walking away. The other blinked in surprise before something flashed in his eyes so fast Midoriya nearly missed it.

"To… Todoroki-kun! Hey!" Iida yelled but he was already gone. He sighed before giving Midoriya an apologetic look. "Sorry, To… my friend, he's, uh… well. Extraordinarily awkward."

"Right. Todoroki-san-"

Iida's eyes widened and he twisted towards Midoriya. "How do you know him?!"

Midoriya started. "He, he's my nurse?" His voice swung upward in pitch. Iida blinked and relaxed his shoulders, letting out a heavy sigh. "Oh… sorry, that's right."

"Iida-kun… why are you, why did you- just because I knew Todo-"

"Hey, can I sit here?" Iida didn't wait for Midoriya to respond and took a seat at the table. He gave a forced laugh as he wildly looked around everywhere but in front of him. "Wow, sure are lots of people today! But I guess it's always busy here at Yuuei Hospital!"

Midoriya bit his lips, his eyebrows knitting together. "Yeah… "

Iida swung his arms grandly around him. "Truly the center of clinical research! Ahaha!" The patient cringed at how empty even the laugh sounded. "I'm so proud of Uraraka-kun for finding her residency here! She will surely succeed! Yes!"

"Um, Iida-kun, about-"

He kept nodding to himself. "I too must work hard! It's a difficult world to be a doctor, as you know of course Midoriya-kun; we can only work hard in medical school and hope! We have a long road ahead of us!"

"Why were you with-"

"So many people to make proud, so many people to save; a noble-"

"Iida-kun, _please_ stop."

The coffee was lukewarm in Midoriya's hands. Iida blinked and turned to the green-haired boy. "What… what do you mean Midoriya-kun, you're about to go to-"

"No. No I'm not. I… Iida-kun, I… it's okay. It's okay now. You don't have to lie anymore." Midoriya hunched his shoulders. "I know now," he whispered, and Iida's eyes widened.

"No..." His expression crumbled.

"So please… please. Tell me the truth. If, if you're my friend, if I haven't made you hate me sometime during the past four years… please… " Midoriya clamped shut his eyes.

"Midoriya-kun." He opened his eyes a crack. Iida was still looking to the side but the facade was wiped off his face. It was replaced with unimaginable exhaustion and sorrow. "I was still your friend, right up until you were hospitalized. And I still am. I always will be. But… "

"Would it be okay if we talked about something happy. I… this is selfish, but I, I really need good things to talk about."

Midoriya felt the bitterness crystallized in his heart dissolve. He reached over and grabbed Iida's hand. Iida looked up, startled, as Midoriya gave a half-smile, the utmost he could manage. "Yeah. Yeah, of course Iida-kun."

He knocked on the door. "Come in!"

Todoroki stepped inside the hospital room. His mother turned towards him from the window, her face brightening. "Shouto," she said warmly. Her hand rested on the windowsill and Todoroki's eyes flicked to the gardenias in a vase on it. She followed his gaze, and her smile became a tinge sadder.

"He came by yesterday," Rei murmured. A finger touched a delicate petal. "He's…doing well, it seems."

"And… you? What about you, Mom?" Todoroki lowered his bag beside the door and sat in the chair beside the empty bed.

"Mm, I'm doing well. More importantly, I want to show you this" She pulled out a drawer from the desk and proudly took out a wooden box. Todoroki peered over before glancing up with furrowed eyebrows.

"Natsuo made it for me! And then Fuyumi decorated it." The elegant box was made of shiny dark mahogany that was so smooth, onyx-red images of the hospital room reflected among its whorls. Small opalescent plates sparkled on the lid, shimmering iridescently with pearly pink and peridot green. Rei carefully placed it on her lap and took off the lid with the tips of her fingers. "And of course… my dear Shouto, you filled it. With your words."

Todoroki's throat constricted as he saw envelope after envelope filed neatly inside. As though afraid of the light damaging the paper, Rei quickly placed the lid back on. She closed her eyes as her hands firmly held the box. "This is my treasure. How blessed I am to have you three… "

An ugly wave of bitterness drenched Todoroki, and it took everything he had to keep from clenching his hands. _If it weren't for_ him _, then- all of this, it could've been_ normal _, we could be in a_ house _not a hospital and-_ He couldn't stop himself from grinding his teeth though. Todoroki regretted the next words as soon as they left his mouth but it was too late: "How could you forgive him?"

Rei's eyes remained closed. Her hand stroked the wood. "'Forgive'... " she mused. Her hand stopped. "It is nothing so selfless like that. I can never 'forgive' him, as in to completely brush away all that your father did. That would be to 'forget'."

Todoroki twisted the cuff of his jacket, his eyes stormy.

"Shouto, it was so scary… " his mother continued, her voice dropping. "Before I could forgive him, I… I hated him. I hated him so much, I-" Her voice broke and she turned her face towards the window.

"Mom, it's okay, I was wrong to ask-" Todoroki began, but his mother swung her head around, her grey eyes so wide he could see the whites around them. "No! Shouto, you must know, I must tell you so you don't make the same mistake."

She swallowed. "I hated him and hated him and hated him. I wanted to hurt him, badly, in any way, and my hatred, all of my hate, all of my desires to hurt him came out and-" Rei struggled to speak but Todoroki didn't need to hear it. His scar told the rest of the story.

"So that's why… I 'forgave' your father," Rei said huskily. "Not because I can look past his… what he did. But because I… I am too afraid. My hate. I never, never. Never ever ever ever. Want to be _that_ person who could do something so horrible to my own son." She dropped her head and hid it behind a curtain of snow-white hair. "I'm too weak," she whispered.

Todoroki looked askance, his expression becoming distant. "No… No. You were there for us when he wouldn't care."

"No." She shook her head. "No, I hurt you. I didn't fight him hard enough for you three-"

"He was hurting you too."

"-gave up too easily, I should have done more. I can never atone for letting my children go through that, for falling ill and leaving-"

"Mom-"

"-Fuyumi always wanted a real family, Natsuo wanted me to come to his soccer matches, Touya was always so quiet but how he read and wrote and was so proud of his books, he was always so _clever_ -"

"Mom."

"-and Shouto, my dearest, sweetest son, you were my sunshine boy, always by my side and hugging my legs, your beautiful eyes so wide when we watched those heroes-"

" _Mom_."

Rei held out her shaking palms. "And I let that fall, I let all of it fall between my fingers. I ruined _everything_." Her eyes were completely dry, as though all of her tears had been drained years and years ago. But her voice was a wisp of gauze. "I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve my children. If I suffer forever it will be too soon."

Todoroki watched her body crumple in on itself, his heart shredding into itsy-bitsy pieces. But he couldn't move. _Nothing I say matters. She can't even hear me anymore_ , he thought dimly. His eyes slid to her twig-like legs and arms. A cold weight lumped in his chest as he saw the pale skin barely stretched over the bones. For the first time, Todoroki noticed her unnaturally sharp jawline and cheekbones. A long time ago, in a hazy dream, he remembered pulling her soft cheeks and wondering, "Can I eat the mochi on your face?" and they both laughed and laughed until tears were running down their faces…

"Shouto?" Todoroki jolted and twisted around. At the doorway, Natsuo stood with Fuyumi beside him. They had hollow looks on their faces. Fuyumi darted next to their mother, shooting Natsuo a look. "Yukina, she's waiting in the car… " He nodded and stepped out.

"Mom do, do you need a nurse?" Fuyumi asked gently, rubbing her back in circles but Rei only mumbled incoherently while shaking her head slowly. Fuyumi continued for a moment longer before straightening.

"She can't… hear us." Todoroki stared blankly at the shell of who used to be his mother. "It was fine a few minutes ago and then… "

"And then she remembered, didn't she? Oh no no, I didn't- it's not your fault," Fuyumi added when Todoroki flinched. She cast her eyes down as she firmly grasped Rei and began leading her to the bed. "Actually Shouto, Natsuo and I… we wanted to talk to you about something… " Her words trailed off. Todoroki felt the hair on the back of his neck rise.

"There, that's more comfortable right, Mom?" Fuyumi exclaimed with forced cheeriness as Rei settled into the bed. Suddenly Todoroki realized how her beautiful sheen of hair seemed a little thinner, and that he hadn't heard in a long time any of the nurses remark about how extraordinary it was to have white hair so young. Her face was lined with creases even as her vacant eyes fell shut. Fuyumi stroked Rei's hair back. "I think she might have fallen asleep… "

Todoroki felt dread in his stomach as his sister rose to her feet. She wasn't looking at him, rather preferring to fold and unfold her hands. "Shouto… um… " She took a haggard breath.

"Natsuo and I… we… Mom, she's in so much pain. You've seen it yourself right?"

"Are-" The red-white haired boy swallowed with difficulty. "Are you going to put Mom in a nursing home? I mean, if it's time commitment then I can always leave work earlier since I work here… "

Fuyumi started before shaking her head. "No. We, we're thinking… " Her voice trembled, and was pinched and reedy.

 _Oh god._ Todoroki felt the old shields begin to rise. His hands felt cold.

"Maybe Mom- maybe she should forget her memories. The ones about us."

Blank.

"Of course not us entirely, but the ones later… all the ones after she was, well, first hospitalized." Fuyumi glanced to the bed. "Did you see how she blames herself?" she said softly. "This is an everyday occurrence. Shouto, she'll never forgive herself. She keeps on hurting herself, even though it's been years, even when we tell her it's not her fault-"

"No." He felt so still, as though every word he said could echo in him, as though he were a yawning ravine and there was nothing, nothing at all, not even color because there was no light only absence, a void.

"Shouto," Fuyumi began.

"You're lying. You can't be serious." _'This is my treasure.'_

"I know this is sudden and I'm really sorry for dropping this-"

"No. No, never. You can't do this. You just- you _can't_. Not to Mom." _'How blessed I am to have you three._ '

"Don't you understand Shouto?" Fuyumi pleaded. "She's in so much pain-"

"You're-! You're betraying her, how could you! She trusts you and Natsuo!" _'My dear Shouto, you filled it. With your words.'_

"No!" Fuyumi cried. "That's not true, we're trying to save her-"

 _My sunshine boy…_

"You just want a perfect family!" Todoroki spat. Fuyumi stepped back, eyes wide. Tears began to well from the corner of her eyes. "No," she whispered, shaking her head slowly. "Please, Shouto. Please, please don't say that-"

Todoroki couldn't stop himself, the words flooding out of him. "It's just inconvenient for you to have a crazy woman for your mother isn't it?! That's why you want to get rid of her, treating her like this, letting her become some kind of vessel with no identity like-"

' _Who was I? How can people know me… more than me?'_

"Uncle Shouto?"

Todoroki froze. He turned to see Natsuo standing with one hand on the shoulder of a little three-year old girl. Her snow-white hair was plaited in a fishtail braid down to the pink bow behind her checkered sundress. She looked up at him with soft gray eyes the size of moons. _Just like her grandmother's_ , Todoroki thought distantly, and suddenly the countless memories of his mother superimposed on the face of Yukina, Fuyumi's daughter.

 _I can't do this._

Todoroki leapt out of the room, slipping around Natsuo's outreached hand.

Todoroki sat alone in the healing garden. A cold wind nipped his naked neck, but he could barely feel it.

 _Purposefully losing memory… what kind of sick joke is this._

He stared at the pavement beneath his feet, the perfect brick tiles running along the neat garden. The trees were bare and bristling as their leaves had already scattered and then were swept up into compost bins. The only colors were the dark holly hedges running in concentric rings, supplanting what dead flowers had wilted in the frost. A crow cawed in the distance. Its dark figure flew up, up to where the clouds were metal-grey and completely filled the sky in the bland way perfection is. Todoroki stared at one of the ruffles in the sky.

"If I stare and try hard enough, I wonder if I can remember something until the day I die."

"Hmm, I don't think there's anything that interesting up there?"

Todoroki glanced at the figure beside him before gazing back up at the sky.

"Uraraka."

"Todoroki-kun… what are you doing out here?" The doctor turned to him with a concerned look. "It's kinda cold?"

Todoroki sighed, his breath becoming a small fog. "I like to think outside, especially when it's cold. I… I like how the cold air comes through my lungs. It's like I'm being purified or something."

"Hmm… " She turned back to face up at the sky like him. "I can definitely see that. Or feel that. Especially if something's bothering you or constricting you."

"Yes."

The two fell into silence. Another crow circled down before pecking off a blood-red holly berry. It settled onto the pavement, its large wings folding neatly. The berry squished in the crow's beak, little droplets of red flecking the pavement.

"That was a little… grody," Uraraka admitted, her face pulled in a grimace, and Todoroki couldn't help smiling a little at that. The doctor peered up, her eyes lighting up as she spotted his expression.

"Crows are pretty smart though, I guess," she added. "I think they remember people who've helped them in the past and crazy stuff like that. Speaking of which, you were talking about remembering a cloud earlier. Maybe ask a crow for their help?" she teased.

Todoroki felt his smile dim as he looked back away. "I wish. I think, more than wanting to remember… I'm afraid of forgetting and loss. This isn't about Midoriya by the way," he quickly added, seeing Uraraka's surprised expression.

"Then who?" The words accidentally slipped out before Uraraka quickly shook her head. "I mean, of course you don't have to say, it's absolutely fine, I'm sorry for prodding, even coming out here to bother-"

"My mother," Todoroki said simply. Uraraka froze, her eyes widening, before her shoulders sank down.

"She… It might be… better for her… to forget. Certain memories. Like… of her family," Todoroki managed to make out.

"Oh, Todoroki-kun… " Uraraka's eyes darkened and she bowed her head. Todoroki paused before awkwardly patting her shoulder.

"It's okay. It's for the best. I… I said some bad things to my siblings that I need to apologize for. But, it's for the best. It's okay. It's-"

Uraraka jerked her head up, tears rolling down her cheeks. Todoroki blinked in surprise even as she grabbed his arms. "Todoroki-kun, it's okay to not feel okay. You can feel not okay too…!" she choked. "Because… this is really sad. And your mother isn't the only one who's suffering, you are too!"

Todoroki blinked again as Uraraka hugged him tightly, nearly crushing him as she sniffled loudly. His shoulder grew wetter with her tears. But eventually his shoulders relaxed and he hugged the doctor back. The strange hollowness in his lungs, first emptied with the cold air, now filled with a gentle, pained warmth.

"Thank you, Uraraka. Thank you."


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Just realized how emo my last a/n was but just wanted to say thank you to anyone who reads this fanfiction. :) You all have my heart...! Hee hee, happy new year and I hope 2020 treats you all well.

* * *

"'-and yeah so now Vine is dead and there's something called TikTok. _I_ think it's inferior but see for yourself."

Iida showed the wide-eyed Midoriya a video on his phone and the green-haired patient cocked his head to one side. "I mean, is it really that different-"

"They are _completely_ _different_! How- The artistic decisions! The temporality of six seconds! The comedic _iconicity_!" Iida roared, his eyes aflame. "TikTok does not even _compare_ to Vine!"

 _Wow, Iida-kun is… surprisingly fired up about social media_ , Midoriya thought as the doctor continued waving his limbs wildly and blasting out his tirade. He gave a helpless smile. _I guess he's always been passionate about everything._

"And don't even get me _started_ on Instagram versus VSCO- oh, I'm getting a call." Midoriya blinked as Iida abruptly switched into his Professional Mode. _Well. That was sudden._

"Hello, this is Iida- Oh, Uraraka-kun. Yes… " Iida's expression grew somber. "Yes, it is scheduled for that day… What?!" Midoriya jumped but Iida was silent for a long while after. The doctor furrowed his sharp eyebrows increasingly and Midoriya could hear a constant stream of unintelligible words from the opposite side.

"...Ah, I see. Ingenious as always, Uraraka-kun… " Midoriya caught a tiny flash of a strange look over Iida's face before it became neutral once again. "Well. That's for… them to decide." The other line appeared to still be talking but Iida abruptly cut the call. He laid the phone down on the table before them.

"Is… something the matter?" Midoriya asked cautiously. Iida stiffened but remained looking down at the table, unable to raise his eyes. Midoriya swallowed and licked his chapped lips. "I mean, I know you don't want to talk about anything sad right now too, though, but… "

"No… No." Iida raised his head, staring aimlessly to the side. White coats and blue uniforms alike chatted in line for coffee. There was the familiar nutty smell of late-morning coffee and the counters were decorated with peppermint stripes, already preparing for the holiday season. High heels clacked sharp across the marble floor as various carts with vitals were being wheeled farther away. The atrium was bustling with activity, and the outside light shone on the clean floor and open-air indoor cafe.

"No," Iida repeated, pushing up his glasses. "I'm just running away from the issue. You wanted to see me, right." He finally met Midoriya's eyes with an intense look that almost made the patient flinch. "What did you want to ask me?"

"Why are you upset?" Midoriya blurted. Under the table, he gripped the slip of paper in his pocket. _That wasn't what I was going to go for but… Asui-san didn't write anything other than to go talk to Iida-kun_ , he thought nervously. He watched Iida blink in surprise before the blue-haired doctor laughed in an almost unfamiliar, sardonic way.

"That's not even fair, Midoriya-kun… " Midoriya gave a confused look as Iida sighed and his shoulders sagged. "This was why I could never win against you either."

 _'Win'?_ But before Midoriya could ask, Iida continued. "I'm upset because… because in two days, you're going to go through brain surgery again. And obviously I'm not some brain surgeon yet so I won't be doing anything directly but I'll still be watching and… " He screwed his eyes shut. "Watching your best friend go through invasive brain surgery three, four times is not… fun."

This time it was Midoriya who couldn't look at Iida in the eyes. His heart twisted.

"And if that was all, then it would still be painful but also… Your memories." Iida gripped the folds of his uniform.

"I forget everything that's happened before the surgery, right?" Midoriya replied defeatedly. He bowed his head. "I know that… And all about how I lost the four years of medical school."

"Five," Iida corrected. Midoriya jerked his head up, his eyes wide in shock. "Five," Iida repeated softly. "The fifth was the year you were in a coma. After your injury."

"God," Midoriya murmured. He laid his head in his arms on the table. "Are you serious… _Five_ years?"

Iida stared helplessly as the patient's shoulders began to tremble. The doctor pulled at the seams of his arm cuffs and folded and unfolded his uniform, when his phone vibrated. He glanced and saw "Ochako-san" pop up. Iida flinched and grabbed the phone, quickly silencing it before staring at the now black screen and his haggard expression staring back at him. The morning sounds faded into a muted hum.

"Midoriya-kun… There's one more thing," Iida whispered. He laid a broad hand tentatively over the patient's shoulder. Midoriya didn't respond.

"Uraraka-kun… she found an experimental cure. For it all."

Todoroki knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

He gingerly entered the room. The window was open and a fresh breeze aired throughout the room. His mother sat alone in her bedside, her platinum hair floating angelically behind her.

"Mom… "

Todoroki took a deep breath before slowly sitting down in the chair in front of her. He stared down at his hands and opened his mouth before a soft hand rested on the crown of his head.

"Shouto… "

Soft fingers ran through his straight hair, gently petting him. Todoroki stilled. His mother's warm hands on his head made his heart twinge, a distant siren call to his childhood years and years ago now.

 _My sunshine boy…_

"Mom… Do you know about… Fuyumi and Natsuo's plan?" he asked quietly. Her hands paused and Todoroki winced. _What if… I have to tell her their plan?_ But to his surprise, she gave an affirmative "mmhm."

"Then, why-!" Todoroki snapped his head up, staring at his mother, the words scratching the back of his throat. She gazed back at him, a sad smile on her lips. Her eyes glanced at his clenched fist on her bedside, and she placed a hand over it.

"Shouto… I can't do this anymore. The therapy for PTSD isn't working for me and the memories are too strong. They won't fade away, even though it's been so long."

"But… of course it's difficult, it was so traumatic for you." Todoroki stared at her and he could hear the desperation in his voice. "Maybe, in a month or so, it'll be better. Maybe it's just, just really close-" But his mother shook her head. The wisps of white hair floated about her head in the cool winter breeze.

Todoroki stared down, the frame of his body sagging. "But then… you'll forget about us all," he whispered.

"'Forget us all'...?" Todoroki glanced up. Her mother gave him a quizzical look. "I am not undergoing surgery to forget you or the family."

"What? But, Fuyumi told me it was better for you to forget the memories about us."

"Well… " Rei ran a hand through her hair. "To be precise, they would involve memories of you all. But if the surgery is successful…" She stared out towards the window. "The trauma from those days will be faded to how the rest of my memories from that time are. Because as of now, they are very clear… Almost my clearest memories from back then. But hopefully, this surgery will dampen them."

Todoroki blinked slowly. "I… does that mean you won't… aren't… ?"

His mother turned back to him, a small, sorrowful smile on her face. "I would never want to destroy memories of my children. But… Evidently… " She took her hand away from Todoroki's now limp hand. "Evidently, I am too weak to control my own memories. My own traumas… no matter how much trouble I continue to cause for you all."

Todoroki shook his head. Rei turned towards him as he gave her a direct look. "No. Trauma is not your fault. You don't have to be blamed for that," Todoroki said absolutely, staring right into her eyes. Rei gazed at him with a kind smile before quickly wiping away the tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

"Shouto's right, Mom."

Todoroki looked up as Natsuo and Fuyumi stepped in.

"You're doing your very best. We also don't want to see you suffering anymore," Fuyumi said. Natsuo nodded, stopping in front of their mother's bed. Todoroki stood up and stepped forward to his sister.

"Fuyumi, I… I'm so sorry. About what I said earlier. I… I said so many terrible things to you. I'm so sorry." He bowed his head.

"Aww don't be so formal like that Shouto," Fuyumi laughed gently. She lightly patted his head and smiled. "I know you were shocked and worried."

"Yeah… And I'm sorry, Shouto." Natsuo fidgetted from the bed end. "I, Fuyumi and I, we should've told you earlier."

"Ah… no, you were both also trying to do your best for Mom…It's all okay… And also a misunderstand-"

"Oh my gosh, we're just all so-" Fuyumi suddenly grabbed Natsuo and Todoroki's arms and glomped them all together. "Group Todoroki siblings hug! We all make mistakes and that's okay! We're going to be okay! We have each other and it's going to be okay! Right Mom?" Fuyumi called over from the sibling huddle.

Rei laughed out loud, her delighted voice ringing against the walls. Todoroki felt his heart squeeze. _How long has it been since I've heard Mom laugh like that?_ He caught Natsuo's eyes and his older brother gave a watery grin before Fuyumi roughly tousled the older brother's hair.

"Hey! I just combed that today! I'm meeting my girlfriend tonight, whatya doing!" Natsuo protested and the room became filled with laughter.

Bakugou handed the mask over to the anesthesia assistant, who promptly fitted it onto the patient's mouth. The patient looked up into the bright light, his expression pinched with worry.

"Don't worry sir, it'll be over before you know it," Midnight said soothingly. "Counting down now… three… two… " The doctors began starting the nitric oxide in the background.

"... And one." But the patient was already fast asleep.

Several hours later, Bakugou came out of the operating room, brushing off the surgeon cap. Kirishima stood up from the waiting room and waved him over.

"How was the surgery?"

"Hmph, it was fine… " The blond muttered, even as the red-head slapped his back happily.

"Ay, that's great dude! Plus you got to watch Dr. Midnight so aren't you a lucky dude!" Kirishima gave a little smirk. "Bet that was nice."

Bakugou rolled his eyes so far back he could see his neurons dying. "I'm _literally_ your _fucking_ _boyfriend_ you _idiot_ , hoooly shit I'm-"

The two continued bantering down the busy hallway when Bakugou stiffened and his sharp words came to a halt. Kirishima cocked his head before following Bakugou's gaze. His face lit up. "Oh, Uraraka-san!" he called before Bakugou could stop him.

"Ah Kirishima-san! Bakugou-san!" The mousy haired doctor smiled brightly at the two before walking by them. Kirishima turned towards Bakugou, his expression a little sour.

"Hey Bakugou, that was a bit rude-"

"Don't be so friendly to everyone, you dumbass," Bakugou growled. Kirishima's eyes widened in surprise. The blond doctor's mouth pulled into a glower but Kirishima put his hands on his hips, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Uraraka's literally the nicest person at this hospital, what are you saying. You- _We_ 've known her since high school! I know you hate all things nice but aren't you being a bit too much now?"

Bakugou snorted and continued walking, Kirishima jogging up to catch up. "Yeah obviously I know how _sickeningly_ sweet she is but this is different. _Something_ is different." He held a hand up to his chin, his gaze intense. "And I don't like it," he muttered.

Kirishima sighed. "What could she possibly be plotting, Bakugou." When his boyfriend didn't answer, he prodded him a little more. "Uraraka doesn't have anything against anyone! She's lost so much, more than most people except maybe Midoriya himself, and everyone knows it. But she's still so kind, so empathetic, so passionate-"

"Passionate… "

"-smart, like how can you not be, doing neuroregeneration research and- Bakugou?" Kirishima looked back, realizing that the blonde doctor had stopped in the middle of the hallway. The doctor barely even noticed when a nurse had to swerve around him and gave him a sharp look. He continued glaring down at the floor.

"Ba… kugou?" Kirishima asked hesitantly. "Are you okay?" he asked but the blonde starting walking forward, shaking his head. "No, it's just a dumb thought, she's nice right, I'm just imagining it…" Bakugou muttered.

This time it was Kirishima rolling his eyes. "Bakugou can you just tell me what you think is wrong with Uraraka-san," he said point-blank. "This is kind of ridiculous without any explanation."

"I just…I just get the feeling that she's trying to do something bad. Or if not bad… to hide something." Bakugou's eyes narrowed. "And I have a feeling it has to do with Deku."


End file.
